Sunday, February 17, 2008

Verbs, to wit: Love and Balance

Of course they can both serve as nouns, but they are often more likely verbs that we treat as if they were passive and stoic objects rather than kinetic actions. I want to do a certain amount of work and then relax when it comes to just about everything. I want to think my way through things. You can't think your way into balancing. You can't think your way into loving. Both require action.
Often my actions are limited to thinking about what I want from relationships. Whether with actors, crew members, my wife, my family, my children's teachers, my friends. I'm alert to what I want from others but sluggish when it comes to what my own role requires. I can always find accurate criticisms of others. I'm so good at that, though I'm not sure how much of an accomplishment that really is. I confer a certain amount of status on myself for being so "perceptive". I confer another heap of glory on myself for masking my own defects so well. Ahem. They're really tied together. I am terrified to have my weaknesses exposed. As if they're successfully obscured. It's a common concern. But when it gets in the way of active and lasting relationships, where we will certainly find the weaknesses and the unattractive sides of even the finest people, there's some work to be done. Identifying shortcomings in those we are close to means little when our hope is for a good and successful partnerships.
It really comes down to loving. Loving ourselves. Loving others. I'm quick to judge. I don't care if you feel my judgment a lot of the time. Having an effect on you makes me feel powerful. I'm relying much less on this shield than in the past, but vigilant action continues to be necessary.
Practicing love is frightening. Cynicism seems a safer harbor. Letting go of fear and false perceptions is never easy. Don't think. Act.

Con Amore,
Signore Direttore

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