Pennant Race

These days I'm far more interested in the Mets winning the NL East and their third baseman David Wright, pictured above, getting thirty home runs and thirty stolen bases this season while maintaining his .312 batting average than I am in film. I also want the Yankees to cool off and miss the playoffs.
Other than that I want to be out in nature as much as possible -- hiking, cycling, strolling on the beach. I want to spend as much time as possible with my family. I want to read books about Iraq, painting, anthropology and mythology. I'm thinking about Mexico a lot, a place I once lived and have visited often. I'm struggling to let thoughts go during meditation. A sure sign that I need to continue meditating. Isn't it funny that the things we struggle with are often abandoned or pursued with zeal rather than quietly and steadfastly practiced?
There seem to be a lot of shoulds in my life at present. I should be getting a new roof on my garage. I should be painting the hallway, windows, downstairs apartment and several bathrooms. I should get a sealer on the fence. I should be looking for work. I should be editing. There are so many shoulds that I don't want to do any of it. I don't even want to get out into nature once I start thinking about all those damn to-do's. One of the thoughts creeping into my meditation yesterday was whether to re-stain the bannister in the hall or paint it.
To prevent falling into a deeper depression yesterday morning, I went to the gym with Nicola. I prefer going with my wife as it keeps the whole self-centered vibe of the place at a distance. I wish they would remove the televisions from in front of at least one end of the cardio machines. During the commercials there is an obnoxious strobing effect from all the rapid edits. Mid-morning there are a lot of magazine shows involving make-overs of sorts. One involved a garage make-over. Lots of shelving, including an entire wall of racks for some Middle-American schmuck's ten sets of golf clubs. How about asking the guy if he really needs all those sets of clubs?
I've been reading a lot about the incidental bombing of homes all over Iraq. Of displaced people wandering on foot in need of things like water and medical attention, having lost everything. When I see twelve flat screen televisions at the gym flashing images of wasteful bullshit, like rooms in homes devoted to the display of some geezer's high school hockey awards, I get antsy about being a member of this society.
Or how about people spending $60,000 to climb Mt. Everest? Something else I've been reading about. Now that's some ego-driven bullshit. When you get past the superlatives, there's nothing heroic about it. It's just another example of people buying experiences. Another push a button, pay a price quick fix. Sure they put their lives and the lives of others at risk, but that just serves to make it all the more solipsistic.
Like motorcycles. I've had so many friends die or get seriously injured in motorcycle accidents. I had a head-on collision with a car on a bike that sent me flying over the car into somebody's front lawn. I wasn't wearing a helmet. Luckily I was a teenager whose football player body was conditioned to take such a punishing blow. I walked away. Another time I dislocated a shoulder that I relocated myself. It was sore for a few years until I did a few months of yoga that must have set it right finally. Aside from a few other scrapes, blows to the skull and bone chips, I survived my many years on motorcycles. A lot of friends and acquaintances have not. The lead female character, Motorcycle Girl, in Original Glory is based on a girl that rode a Triumph. The character is based more on a situation that we found ourselves in with her than her personality. I just remembered the other day that I heard she was in a serious accident later on that took the use of her legs away. Please forgive the digression from my point into some sort of macho injury report. My point is that as a father I don't ride motorcycles. I don't want my kids to have to say their father died in a motorcycle crash. Or climbing a mountain. Sure I might die crossing the street or choking on Chinese food or cancer or any number of things besides bucolic old age. But those will be accidents if they come to pass. I will continue to look both ways, to chew my food, to eat blueberries and green vegetables in my best efforts to prevent an untimely death.
I'm going to quit this rant soon and go for a bike ride with my son. Let me say this in closing: I live a charmed life. I'm becoming salty about a few things as a I let go of them. I'm at a big transition stage in my life. I can say generally that I'm entering middle age chronologically. As for any specifics, it's too early to tell. I hope to follow my bliss, but it's hard to uncover sometimes. Much of my life has been quite ego-driven. So for now, I'm taking those walks and bike rides in nature or the neighborhood. I'm being mindful of what speaks to me heart.
And I'm paying close attention to my beloved Metropolitans. Not only to their progress this season, but to my attachment to them. Is it something I should allow myself to openly enjoy without apology or is it a part of our media-driven, consumer culture that is better ignored? Don't know the answer to that, so until then: I want you to go over to your window, I want you to throw it open, I want you to stick your head out and I want you to yell, Let's Go Mets!
How's that for co-opting a film about fighting the media establishment?

A bigga pizza pie,
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 218

There are no answers, only choices.

Steven Soderbergh

The Master Says 217

I trust instinct more than I do study and memory and logical conclusions.

Robert Altman

The Master Says 216

We must not confuse mythology with ideology.

Joseph Campbell

The Master Says 215

The compromise ... is beginning to feel a lack of confidence in your innermost thoughts. And if you don't put these innermost thoughts on the screen then you are looking down not only on your audience but on the people you work with, and that's what makes so many people working out there unhappy. These innermost thoughts become less and less a part of you and once you lose them you don't have anything else.

John Cassavetes

Folk Wisdom 032

Your work is to discover your work
And then with all your heart
To give yourself to it.

Buddha

The Master Says 214

What you don't feel, you will not grasp by art,
Unless it wells out of your soul
And with sheer pleasure takes control,
Compelling every listener's heart.

Goethe

The Master Says 213

Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.

J. P. Donleavy

Folk Wisdom 031

It is an obstacle to clear thinking to believe that America's foreign policy serves God's plan to expand human freedom.

Michael Ignatieff

The Master Says 212

Because I sang his (Ingmar Bergman's) praises so enthusiastically over the decades, when he died many newspapers and magazines called me for comments or interviews. As if I had anything of real value to add to the grim news besides once again simply extolling his greatness. How had he influenced me, they asked? He couldn’t have influenced me, I said, he was a genius and I am not a genius and genius cannot be learned or its magic passed on. But I did manage to absorb one thing from him, a thing not dependent on genius or even talent but something that can actually be learned and developed. I am talking about what is often very loosely called a work ethic but is really plain discipline. I learned from his example to try to turn out the best work I’m capable of at that given moment, never giving in to the foolish world of hits and flops or succumbing to playing the glitzy role of the film director, but making a movie and moving on to the next one.

Woody Allen

The Master Says 211

When I face the desolate impossibility of writing five hundred pages a sick sense of failure falls on me and I know I can never do it. This happens every time. Then gradually I write one page and then another. One day's work is all I can permit myself to contemplate and I eliminate the possibility of ever finishing.

John Steinbeck

Feudal Allegiance

In the film world there's a lot of talk of homage. I've long held a personal theory that a filmmaker should not attempt an homage until he or she has successfully completed at least five films that are at least watchable. I mean come on, is it really paying respect to a great filmmaker by copying the way they shot a scene in a recognized masterpiece in your otherwise hackneyed and uninspired digital video short? Whenever someone tells me their film is going to be an homage to a great filmmaker I shut down. As I do when meeting someone that voted for W. or that's born again. I don't say anything because it would be like trying to sell ice to an Eskimo; sorry, Inuit.
Of course we're all inspired by other films. Portland filmmakers Grace Carter and Holly Andres made a short film called Nora this year that artfully copies the shower scene in Psycho frame by frame in order to discuss gender politics. Our film Dangerous Writing was inspired by Goodbye South Goodbye, the films of Antonioni and Children of Men. The film is about writing and the creative proess, so the visual poetry of a film like Hou Hsioa-Hsien's Goodbye South Goodbye was a huge inspiration. I've also long wanted to do something with long takes so as to minimize the arduous, time-consuming editing phase of the filmmaking process. Hou is a master of long takes where nothing seems to happen, yet as in a Jane Austen novel, one world ends and another begins with but the slightest of gesture. Jack Nicholson, who worked with Antonioni on The Passenger, says that, "For Antonioni actors aren't the most important thing, they're sort of moving space." I had a specific tone in mind for DW that I wanted the actors to be subject to rather than affect through their performances. I was concerned with the landscape of a well-to-do artist living in a liberal neighborhood in a liberal city. How does our environment contain us? Both Antonioni and Hou asked this question in their films. I wanted the camera to be far enough away that the actors forgot about performing and a distance such that would allow the audience to laugh at the vanity and folly of artistic process. If we were too close, the audience might thing they were to empathize with the characters. I wanted to allow them to respond truthfully, to forget the idea of a hero's journey. I also had a theme in mind that was martial, at least psychologically. Alfonso Cuaron wanted Children of Men, a war film whose tactics were political in a most personal sense, to seem like a documentary. One of the greatest war films shot in a documentary style is The Battle of Algiers. Cuaron didn't copy Battle of Algiers. He told Emmanuel Lubezki, the cinematographer, just as Pontecorvo used the documentary techniques of the time in making BofA, we must use the doc techniques of our time to shoot CofM. When the studio got the dailies, they were like, "Where's the closeups?" He didn't shoot closeups because closeups are about character and Cuaron wanted CoM to be about context. To my mind it is a much greater demonstration of respect to advance the dialogue of the cinema rather than to reiterate it.
Especially in a commercial entertainment such as The Bourne Ultimatum. Peter Greengrass claims to pay homage to The Battle of Algiers in The Bourne Ultimatum. Please. Peter, you're making a mega-million dollar product that is virtually without risk of losing money. You cannot hope to think that you are creating art or continuing the conversation of cinema. Is Nike paying homage to Michael Jordan by using his soaring silhouette on their Air Jordan products? Is Nike advancing the dialogue of sport in the tradition of the Greeks? No, his Airness is endorsing their brand and helping them sell sneakers. For a very tidy sum. Maybe Greengrass should pay Pontecorvo's estate a fee for helping sell popcorn. Greengrass says: "We're developing the story as we shoot and move. That means the end is in doubt right until late in the process." I really fucking doubt it. There's no doubt that he brings a stylish dynamic to the film. I'm not saying he's not talented. He clearly is. What I object to is this notion that a hundred million dollar movie is getting made without a blueprint.
It would be great if I'm wrong. Cuaron was able to push the boundaries of convention with Children of Men. I would love for Greengrass to open the doors to a more organic process in Hollywood. Not just because it might give a guy like me a greater chance at getting some work someday, but simply as a filmgoer.
I will probably enjoy The Bourne Ultimatum if I see it, but I sincerely doubt that I will be challenged by it as I was by Children of Men.
The hand-held verite look is a style that is in vogue: Babel, Casino Royale, even Borat and Knocked Up use it to comic effect. That's cool. Let's just not go crazy thinking it has a lot of substance. Or that it's paying sincere tribute and swearing allegiance to the cinema's great maestros.

Cinico,
Signore Direttore

Finding My Voice Ten Years Later

One night in 1998 I was hanging out in the V-VIP room at Moomba. Which was the place to see and be seen in the late 90s. One of my friends was involved in a serious flirtation with Lara Flynn Boyle, which left me sitting across the table from her friend Nicholas Cage.
At the time I was trying to leave my life as a nightclub promoter behind me. I was starting to take writing and acting seriously again for the first time in a decade. I was in mourning and shock of my mother's sudden death. I was muddled, confused and terrified. I was frozen and speechless. Not just in the presence of Cage, whom I had met previously, but in general. The only time I had anything to say was when I was in Atlantic City, where I spent two or three days gambling every week of that year.
What was I supposed to say to Nick Cage that night? I'm only here because I'm a D-list personality in NYC? Back when I was young and skinny people used ot msitake me for you all the time? Do you remember the night you tried to seduce Lorna the cocktail waitress at the club I managed in San Francisco by inviting the entire staff to your house in Pacific Heights for an after hours party? Let me tell you about the awesome screenplay I'm writing that's seven pages long?
For a long time I felt a certain amount of shame and self-pity that I was in that world and eventually found myself with nothing to say. Believe me, for years I had plenty to say. It was mostly bullshit, but it provided more than a few perqs. In the end however, I was tired of the game and tired of having nothing but money and entry to exclusive parties to show for it.
I respected Nicholas Cage and myself just enough to keep my mouth shut that night. I had something to say, I just didn't trust it at the time. It was this -- When I saw Leaving Las Vegas I was fucking exhilarated by the truth of his performance. He got what being a hope to die drunk is all about. And he won an Oscar for telling the truth.

That's all.
Signore Direttore

Iraquaman

In the Winter of 2003, we were living primarily in our country house in Pennsylvania. Maisie was a newborn and Nicola was recovering from child birth. It felt good to get out of the city. I was holing up in one of the bedrooms and doing a lot of writing. I wrote a script called All For One that may get revisited some day. I had a good chunk of Original Glory finished. I think I wrote All For One in an attempt to stall finishing OG. While all this was going on, we were gearing up for the invasion of Iraq. I followed it intently, knowing that all the coverage of Hans Blix, the UN weapons inspector, was a cat and mouse game just like Blix accused Saddam of playing. It didn't matter if the inspections turned up any WMD, it was a predetermined fact that we were going to war with Iraq. It was imminent prior to 9/11 and even to W.'s election. I have always believed that sometime in the late 90s, George H.W. and George W. were playing golf or sitting on the porch in Maine having a father-son chat. Maybe Jeb was there, too. I see some cut crystal highball glasses in their hands. I hear a promise to daddy that W. will take Saddam down.
That scene played in my head over and over that winter. I was furious. We were going to invade Iraq no matter what. The tension generated by the media was a bunch of baloney. There was no tension about the reports on the efforts of Blix and his inspectors, nor by the lack of international support, nor of the discovery that Al Qaeda had few ties to Iraq. None of it mattered. What was giving me a lot of grief was the outpouring of ignorance dressed up as patriotism, especially in the little towns near our country house. I was pretty tense that we had a President that was intent on going to war in spite of any opposition, protocol, law or common sense. That we had no plan for Iraq after Saddam was eliminated. That the Iraq Republican Guard was being reported as an elite army capable of providing resistance to our armed forces. It was all a bunch of lies and so many people were believing them. Public discourse was reduced to Support Our Troops.
In the summer of '91 I was riding through Sonoma on my motorcycle. The girl that was with me and I decided to spend a couple of days up there before we went back to San Francisco. We needed some basics as we had originally intended to be back the same day, so went to one of those variety drug stores that used to be in every small town before the invasion of WalMart. There was an entire aisle of hats, shirts and other patriotic swag proclaiming the pride of the USA in support of The Gulf War. Everything was discounted at least fifty percent. We picked some stuff out and went to the counter. I mockingly expressed outrage to the checkout clerk that patriotism was on sale. She earnestly replied that her family supports America no matter if we're at war or not and that she too was sickened by the close-out pricing of all the "America: First Best Always" merchandise.
Many of you may not be aware that Signore Direttore is a war veteran. I served in The Gulf War and prior to that I was deployed in the longest war of the 20th century, The Cold War. In 1985, as my high school chums went off to Vassar, Stanford, Berkeley and other prestige places of higher learning, I enlisted in the Army. I qualified for a special two-year enlistment and an assignment to Germany. I wanted the Germany thing in writing but the recruiting sergeant assured me that few young soldiers want to see the world, most just want a steady job and to be stationed near their hometown. I couldn't think of anything more depressing. Anyway, the downside of the two-year gig was I had to do a combat or combat support job and I had to sign up for eight years of IRR, Independent Ready Reserve. Which is a fancy way of saying after serving on active duty for two years, they could call me up anytime for the next six years. So do the math -- 90 - 87 = 3. Yep, summer of '90, guys on IRR were getting called to go to Kuwait. Summer of '90, I was riding my motorcycle around the wide deserted streets of San Francisco in the middle of the night frying on acid looking up the pretty sky. Or I was on X, singing along to DeeLite's How Could You Dance With Another? trying to find a pay phone to call my other girlfriend. I was very far removed from being a soldier. Nevertheless, I went to the recruiting office to see what I could work out. Luckily there was an opening for a 31K (my Army MOS - Combat Signaler) at the 7th PsyOps group stationed at the Presidio right there in San Francisco. "They going to Iraq?" "Not likely." "I'm in." And that was that, I was assigned and nobody could call me off the IRR for assignment to an infantry unit. I reenlisted as an Active Reserve and went back to the chaos of my not so normal life of working in nightclubs and taking Peyote at seven in the morning. No one from the 7th PsyOps ever called me. A year or so later I called them to make sure I wasn't AWOL or something, but they just took me off the roster. Almost as good a war record as one of my great grandfathers. Richard Corl, a private in some regiment of the NY Infantry, served in the Civil War. I have copies of the muster reports of his unit -- AWOL, Deserted, Failed to Report. Oh, the proud military history of my clan. Which goes way back, as my father's side of the family came to the colonies in the mid-seventeenth century. One of my grandfathers fought in the Revolutionary War as a private. He wasn't decorated, but at least he showed up.
I'm reading a book called Generation Kill about the Marine's First Recon Battalion spearheading the invasion of Iraq. It's going to be a mini-series on HBO soon. I wonder how true to the book it's going to be, because these poor bastards were put in the position to commit one war crime after another. I'm outraged and appalled at the lack of discretion employed by the US military. Once they got to Baghdad, it got worse. They encountered people dying of dehydration and had no water to give them. They had to ignore women and children wounded by US bombs. The city of Baghdad is about the size of the greater Chicago area. From the start there was no plan in place to occupy it in an effective manner. I really like the book, but I'm so sick of reading it. It's just one tragedy after another that the Marines have to move on from only to encounter yet another.
This morning in the NY Times I read about the middle class leaving Iraq, only to lose all of their savings trying to survive in places like Jordan and Syria because they can't get work permits, medical treatment or schooling for their children. In some cases they are paying significant amounts of their savings as ransom to the Islamic fundamentalists that have kidnapped their husbands or children. Of the nine thousand plus Iraqis granted emigration to the US this year, less than two hundred have been able to make it out of the Middle East. We couldn't even take care of the people that have educations and could help rebuild the country if that was ever a possibility. So much for bringing democracy to Iraq.

Go Operation Iraqi Freedom!

The Master Says 210

With an outline you get into a narrative. The narrative automatically becomes reductionary. You have to fight the internal editor, all this received knowledge of how stories work. You got to fight that off as long as you can. And by fighting it off, you can maybe stay out of the editorial brain. You can stay in the inspired brain. Because the inspired brain is where the gifts come from. It's where all the good stuff happens. You don't own it. It's doesn't belong to any one of us. It's a gift. It comes from some greater source. ... It's no accident that Robert McKee has become popular as corporations have taken over studios. It's a one-to-one relationship. (McKee) is a handy primer so accountants can talk about movies. And it's bullshit.

Steven Gaghan

What the hell do I have to say?

One of the things I like about getting older is not needing to talk so much. Some of you that know me may wonder if I've lost all perspective in asserting that I don't talk that much. Oh, if you knew me when. I crave silence more than fear it these days. Used to be a time when I was on the phone first thing in the day and out in the bars until long past closing time. Talk, talk, talk.
I had tea yesterday morning with the lovely and talented Grace Carter. We talked so much that I lost track of time. What a pleasure. I told her my self-effacing story about writing a scene for Dangerous Writing that gave the set-up and then said, this goes where it goes. So cavalier and trusting of the moment am I. Then Joey jumps off of a very expensive motorcycle and rips the baguette from the grocery sack. He breaks off a piece and starts gnawing it. The bike nearly goes over and the one bag of prop groceries that we have is ripped. We're trying to get this shot off before we need to break for dinner and we're in a busy underground parking lot on a dolly with no permission. So much for seeing where it goes. I yell cut, rip off my headphones and smash them to the ground, march over to Joey and yell at him for being such an impulsive and irresponsible fool. The boys taped up my expensive headphones and I got back on the dolly for more takes. So much for spontaneity.
I saw the Simpson's movie with my family. It was rated PG-13, so we did a little research before taking our children. What a joke. There's a three second shot of Bart's penis. Which from the message boards you would think it was some hentai, anatomically correct monstrosity instead of the simple line drawing that looked like an inverted flip of the bird on his groin. We don't protect each other from seeing our genitals in our family. No flaunting, but if my children come into our bedroom when we're dressing we don't shout them out the door and dash for cover. As for foul language, well my kids make more money from the quarters I hand out for saying bad words than they make in interest on their college funds. They're just words. There were some laughs for sure. My son saw a friend and went to go sit with his family. It was awesome to hear his laughter from afar, what a laugh that kid's got. I enjoyed the movie, but if you're looking for a good plot, stay home with a Russian novel.
There's a lot of hullaballoo about bridges these days. I heard on NPR that the Civil Engineers of America submit an annual list of bridges that need repair. Of the 100,000 bridges in the US, a very high percentage need repair. I'm listening to this as I drive the other day. The money just isn't there to bring all of the bridges up to snuff. I'm also thinking that people don't like bridges to be closed down as it interrupts their familiar routes of travel. Which brings up the whole issue of a lot of people driving around in cars by themselves. Another thought is coming to mind though -- we hate paying taxes in America. Yet I look around and I see a lot of people driving $50,000 dollar cars and putting additions on to 3,ooo square foot homes. Don't get me started on the $1,ooo/wheel rims that are on a lot of cars. Or the proliferation of cedar fences going up in Portland. There's a lot of money being spent on shit that we don't need. Our schools suck, our bridges are time bombs and health care is a joke. I'm not one to want to pay more taxes in order to buy Tomahawk missiles at 1.5 million per or to fund more weekends at Camp David for Dumbass, but our priorities are completely fucked.

Head back in the sand,
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 209

The cinema is an explosion of my love for reality.

Pier Paolo Pasolini

Folk Wisdom 030

The outcome is part of a larger plan, one that involves more than ourselves.

Light and Shadow 010 - Manet

The Master Says 208

The height of the pinnacle is determined by the breadth of the base.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Master Says 207

If you fear making anyone mad, then you ultimately probe for the lowest common denominator of human achievement.

Jimmy Carter

The Master Says 206

Antonioni is the abstract painter of time passing.

Bernardo Bertolucci

Another Master Dies

Michelangelo Antonioni
1912-2007

A Master Dies

Ingmar Bergman
1918-2007

Legacy

We've been having a conversation with our son about expressing your true self with your friends this afternoon. How the real cool kids are the kids that really love the things that they're into, rather than adjusting their taste according to peer pressure. He wanted to write a letter to a kid from his class that moved away. We were talking about the things we've been doing this summer that he's enjoyed to include in the letter. We listed berry picking and going to the farmer's market, among other things. He had a little panic that his friend wouldn't think those things were cool. I told him not to assume that, especially if he really liked doing things that might be perceived as being dorky. Our son is not a dork. He may stink at baseball, be a really good reader and love video games, but he's not a dork. He loves music and drawing. He can hear a song once and sing it His simple drawings evoke complete worlds. He's very excitable and sensitive. Some of his friends that are already little social fascists tell him he's annoying. I reassured him that being emotional isn't always easy for others to understand, but it has many benefits. I related that I was the same as he, and that as much as I've had trouble with it in life, it makes me the storyteller and person that I am. His response was amazing: he raised his fist in the air and shouted: We're related!

Folk Wisdom 029

There is no total answer.

The Master Says 205

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

Winston Churchill

Taking It Easy

As a parent there's a certain level of stress about Summer that's akin to Christmas. A pressure to make it special. At the playground parents ask each other how the summer is going, adding a tentative, "Planning any trips?"
Our summer trip is in the bathroom we just had remodeled. Which looks beautiful, but cost three times what we were told and took half the summer to complete. It's actually not complete. To get a toilet seat that is isn't oak but has metal hinges, you must special order it and wait four to six weeks. So to use the commode in the interim, you must be comfortable with a decidedly non-American mode of direct contact with porcelain. I've lived in Mexico and spent a lot of time in Japan, so it's not a big deal. For now.
In spite of no big summer vacation on the horizon, I'm having a wonderful summer. In addition to spending a lot of time with the family, I'm doing a lot of hiking, walking and bicycling. Hikes in the Gorge and Forest park. Walks downtown for appointements or weekday matinees at Fox Tower Cinemas, up to Mt Tabor and along the Esplanade. I've been cycling the Spring Water Corridor and up Mt Tabor. We spent two and half hours in Laurelhurst Park yesterday. Maisie played in the kiddie poolfully clothed the entire time. While June toddled around the play structure and played with a friend's baby, before falling asleep in a swing. Henry made some puppets at the crafts table with his friends. I chatted with an old friend that I knew from fifth grade through high school and hadn't seen since. She recognized me and it was good to be nostalgic for grade school friends. Her son is nine and made friends with Henry without an introduction. A thing to smile about.
We had a simple barbecue the other night and spent an evening at Oaks Park earlier in the week. There's also a small but wonderful farmer's market near our house on Thursdays where we eat, buy food and listen to music while chatting with people from the neighborhood.
I'm not doing much else. Some very limited, but efficient work on finishing projects. Like getting a shot of Joey for Made Crooked before he moves to New York in a few days. We did that against a green screen in the park yesterday. Ive been reading a few books about the filmmaking of Woody Allen and Bertolucci.
I rented my camera to an indie movie for a month, which is allowing me the time to relax and enjoy the summer. I think it's important for the kids to experience the whole family having a moderately lazy summer. Moreover, I'll be forty in three weeks and I feel as if I deserve to experience that milestone with some quiet perspective and serenity.

¡Viva!
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 204

There really has to be a feeling of wanting to learn that's more important than wanting to succeed.

John Cassavetes

Good Ol Craigslist

I really want to respond to some of these postings and ask these people what in the fuck they're thinking.
This first one is in basic violation of a lot of SEC regulations. Quite a public offering.

"FourTwenty film seeks funding ASAP!!!! estimated at $23,000
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1042884/

If interested email me for budget/executive summary"

And this one is just ridiculous:

"LEADING ACTOR ROLE FOR FEATURE FILM IN VANCOUVER


Hi, We are looking for a volunteer male actor of age 20-27 to play the main character in an upcoming feature film. We plan to start shooting soon, so we need responses back as soon as possible.

THE CHARACTER

A mid twenties burn out kid who is somewhat of a misenthrope. He takes alot of abuse from work and everyone else, but also somehow manages to get by and have a good time whenever, but sometimes has a mean streek. He looks like more a regular guy and not so pretty.

WHAT WERE LOOKING FOR

Someone who can demonstrate facial emotion well (Fear,shock, surprise, etc.)
Someone who can be relied on, and is fun to work on.

ABOUT the film

The film will be shot independintly and guirilla style.

Please send a resume with a picture

It would be a good idea to attach your phone number so we may contact you if interested.

As a plus, please give a quick run down of your film interest."

I recently posted in the gigs section (the place to post for non-paying stuff) in need of a post-sound guy, explaining that we have no money. I met a guy that did a great job on the sound and music for Klepto and was happy to do it. I met another guy with an amazing resume that is interested in helping with Made Crooked. And I got an angry response from a guy telling me I was an exploitative jerk for asking people with specialized skills to consider helping with my no-budget projects. That I should realize people need to make money for their work. I checked the guy out and found that he does a podcast having to do with music or record collecting. I can't imagine he makes any money doing that. Which is fine, but why is it okay for him to do this community oriented thing with his spare time while not okay for me to invite people to get involved in my small community of filmmakers. Hopefully he's reporting the FourTwenty guys to the SEC and hassling the Vancouver wannabes about their spelling, but he's probably using his downtime searching the non-paying crew gigs section for paying gigs and sending angry replies.

Amused,
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 203

We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself.

Lloyd Alexander

The Master Says 202

When you wish to instruct, be brief; that men's minds take in quickly what you say, learn its lesson, and retain it faithfully. Every word that is unnecessary only pours over the side of a brimming mind.

Cicero

The Master Says 201

Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The Master Says 200

There is no beginning, there is no end, there is only the infinite passion of life.

Federico Fellini

(The Master Says 001 Reprise)

The Master Says 199

I have many stories and it would be fine for me if films became a way of life.... unfortunately there is still a kind of barrier of glass to break... I said glass because behind it everything moves as if in another world, one passes into it and then turns back out, it is always like this.

Bernardo Bertolucci

L'chai-im

I failed to speak up at David's bon voyage/anniversaire last night. I have some lame excuses as to why I didn't raise a glass in his honor, but I truly wish I would have paid him the respect.
Here's a belated toast:

To you David,
For teaching me, pushing me, learning from me, supporting me, scaring me, offending me, listening to me, praising me, judging me, trusting me, not trusting me, depending on me, confronting me and loving me.
You believe in me more than I do in myself. Sometimes I wish you would knock it off and fear the worst as I try to persist in doing. It seems there's no chance in that, which forces me to keep showing up.
I know you're not surprised my toast for you has a lot to do with me. Let me close by saying this about you David -- No matter what I think or say about you, it won't change your determination to pursue excellence in everything that you do.

¡L'chai-im!
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 198

If you're going to shoot. Shoot. Don't talk.

Tuco (Eli Wallach)
in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Un poem 003

In Search of Mystery

How I wanted to escape far
from Rome, without saying anything
to my family or to the other people
who greeted me along my way,
something can be seen moving
on the cheeks and in the eyes
of a mother -- how the seated figure
of a happy and dark-haired youth
shines and glows
in a photograph!

Forgive me if you know how to love the unworthiness
of your son, I intend to suffer
out loud, to make myself heard.

Bernardo Bertolucci

The Master Says 197

You must always leave a door open on the set through which an unexpected visitor may enter. That is cinema!

Jean Renoir

The Master Says 196

Style is something that's extremely important, but it must grow naturally out of who and what you are and what the material calls for. It cannot be superimposed.

William Friedkin

The Master Says 195

The road to hell is paved with works-in-progress.

Philip Roth

The Master Says 194

If you're too worried and too controlling of the gesture, then you're not gonna be addressing your intuitive side, your subconscious, you'll only be able to do what your conscious mind tells you to do. You're going to be bound by psychology and meaning, not gonna be experiencing the stuff experientially.

Willem Dafoe

The Master Says 193

I find that I must live through the relationships a film creates in a direct way, without logical or rational references.

Bernardo Bertolucci

The Master Says 192

A baseball swing is a very finely tuned instrument. It is repetition, and more repetition, then a little more after that.

Reggie Jackson

Eye :: Camel as Needle :: Rich Man

A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone.
- Henry David Thoreau

I came across this quote this morning. Seems well connected to the things I was blogging about yesterday. And about the things I've been working on for some time. Namely ceasing trying to be all things to all people. Lately things have been slow in terms of paying work. I recall the acting studio and the modest income it provided doing something that I often enjoyed. The modest income would be very welcome in these lean times. I quickly reminded myself that I need to make conscious, careful selections of activities, situations, and people to whom I devote my attention. And while I can teach acting, doing so involves me in a situation that diverts my energy from directing actors to coaching actors. I don't want a relationship with actors that requires me to motivate them to learn their craft. I want to focus on working with actors that are sufficiently self-motivated to learn their craft. Certainly there are always a few such actors in any studio, but to earn that modest income you have to coddle a lot of insecure, fearful and entitled wannabes. I can afford to leave that dynamic well alone.
Coaching acting is not all that separates the centered, serene me from the harried, fragmented me. I'm regularly bombarded by myriad requests for some form of personal involvement. The temptation is great to attend to first one thing and then another, passively and superficially. Or worse yet, with both barrels blazing in some situation that called for a pea shooter at most.
My life is enriched only when I commit myself to a deeper level of involvement, and to the few, rather than the many. To whatever extent I possess talent, it will shine forth only to the extent it's being nurtured, coddled, encouraged. I cannot nurture, coddle and encourage other aspiring artists while trying to offer the same to myself and to my family. I and my children provide quite enough resistance to loving growth, thank you very much. That is asking way too much of myself. When I am harried I become more the stern task-master than the encouraging nurturer. To expect that I will somehow find fluid support in an unbending mindset is a prime example of non-integrated thinking. Distraction promotes resistance - the bubbling brook. Still waters run deep. We must become immersed enough in a project or an experience to lose self-conscious reservations if we're to discover the real weight of our talent. We know ourselves fully only when we're able to let the talent within define the posture without. It's a bit of a chicken and egg conundrum. Though certainly not so black and white. Little by little, back to those baby steps, we practice allowing ourselves enough space to find our centers. The wonderful secret about being centered is we always have a center if only we allow ourselves to experience it. As we practice this, we begin to allow ourselves to experience our authentic selves.
Even now as I write, there's a child singing and a child crying at the breakfast table. There are email alerts sounding and phones ringing. There are appointments looming throughout the day. Perhaps I shall stop this entry here and tend to the rest of my wonderful life.

¡Viva!
Signore Direttore

Klepto Update 7/12

Finished color grading Klepto on Monday. Finishing to DVD tomorrow. If we can make a decent conversion to Quicktime we'll post it here and on YouTube. The actors will get a DVD copy. I plan on submitting it to 10 or Less Fest and maybe to NW Film and Video Festival.
The film is very simple. So much so that I want to offer qualifications. Do I really need to mention that it isn't perfect?

Ciao,
Signore Direttore

London Crawling

It's been two years and three months since we shot a film called London Calling. A short film with a page count of twelve and a running time of something slightly less than that. There are scenes in the film that are beautiful where everything comes together. And there are scenes where things don't come together. And there's problems with sound throughout.
Sound has been a terrible obstacle in the way of completing the film since we wrapped. Not the only thing certainly. The darkness that is perfectionism, false pride, terror, procrastination and all sorts of other life-long nasty habits is at the root of the unfinished film including the hiring of an inexperienced sound person. Sure the guy misrepresented himself, but I didn't check him out. Ultimately, it's on me. Or maybe it isn't on me in any sinister way. Maybe it was my responsibility and I learned a tough and lasting lesson from my error in judgment, but it doesn't have to be something for which I don the hair shirt of shame for the rest of my life.
I screwed up a lot of things on London Calling. But I also did a lot of things well. The truth is that it has sat for a long time because I can't bring myself to let the warts show. I was full of arrogance when making that film -- cock-sure of showing everybody just how bad ass I was. Oh the posturing and shouting and anguish of not being understood! It was a mess, we were all in over our heads. It's hard not be in over your head when the expectations are set so high. And spending a lot of money. I spent three or four times the amount of money on London Calling that I did on either Made Crooked or Dangerous Writing.
I wasn't yet able to handle transitions or coverage very well. I didn't monitor sound or picture. I was promised a video tap that never happened. I kept saying, "I trust you" to the DP. My ego trusted him because Gus Van Sant had said such glowing things about him and the week before we shot he was featured in the local weekly about being a rising star on the local film scene. My false pride wouldn't allow me to acknowledge my lack of experience. My lack of experience blinded me to the need to not be blinded to the action as it was framed. I probably didn't know enough yet to see all the things were I monitoring that I missed watching with my naked eye. I recall being so tired in every manner as we shot the last shot that I just went through the motions. It shows.
That's enough flogging. Someone is working on finishing it with me. I need the impartial eyes of another editor. She has her frustrations, but when she can't get Matt/Mick from the exterior to the interior of the anarchy mobile I suggest a fade in/fade out and viola -- no more anguish. At the time of filming, I adopted the purist approach of the DP and would have rather died than resort to such a transition between scenes let alone within a scene. Film gods forbid! Well, I think I'll stop worshiping false gods and just finish the damn thing. I have to warn you, there will be some impure transitions.
Before I continue, I want to clarify my comments on the DP. He's done a lot of work to inform his perspectives and attitudes concerning film. They are not arbitrary. He has also done a tremendous amount of film making to merit the praise heaped on him by Gus and the local press. It was entirely on me that I hired him to shoot my film, doing so based on what others thought of his films rather than what I needed for my film. That said, I learned a lot from working together beyond that I need to leave my ego out of such decisions. I wanted to impress him and while that certainly caused some problems it inspired thinking about the film that resulted in some things of which I am very proud. We had our difficulties, but much of the film is quite beautiful and he had a big part in making it so.
One of the main things I see in the film is a clunkiness that is a result of rushing things. Eager to save precious film, I often called cut too quickly. I also cut too quickly because I experienced a certain disbelief that it was even happening.
I'm just discovering this about myself more clearly. When in a situation where I become excited, something is triggered in me that causes me to shut down. I've used drugs, alcohol, anger, cigarettes, women, dishonesty, food, false pride, chatter, coffee -- whatever means of avoidance it takes to keep from experiencing myself. I first noticed this with smoking. I was back in New York in the midst of a very productive period of making films, writing, directing theater, acting, coaching and writing. I noticed that whenever I got to a place of clarity or even a point where things would start to open up I would call for a smoke break. I would be at my edit station, writing on my laptop or in a rehearsal, things would be going well and I would get the urge to interrupt it by taking a smoke break. Here I was starting to discover the importance of being in touch and then willfully disconnecting every hour or so.
There's something beyond craving for nicotine at work in this dynamic. Because it's been over five years since I quit smoking. It's like getting a Mustang from Hertz and finding they've put a limiter on the accelerator. I'm cruising along and when my creativity wants to floor it, there's a limiter. Something telling me not to go any further. "Don't you dare." I know who's doing the voice over, but that's for a later entry.
I will say that the DP on LC gently commented on my tendency to call cut too abruptly. I have been working on it since. There were many times in DW that I let the camera roll for thirty seconds or more beyond where I could have called cut. There were also many times that I called it too soon. The difference being that I realized it immediately. But as Lyle Lovett says, "There are things you say and do that you can never take back."
And as Marcus Aurelius says, "Anything that happens at all, happens as it should."
KR and I are working on editing London Calling on Wednesday afternoons. I'm not going to get ahead of myself about the sound or the this or the that. Each week we'll visit it for a few hours. It will tell us what it needs from us as we go. Baby steps. Gotta learn to crawl before you can walk.
False pride cuts those innocent little baby steps off at the knees.

non colpevole,
signore direttore

The Master Says 191

I will say nothing to an actor that cannot be translated into action.

Elia Kazan

Duly Noted

The desire for composition cannot be denied, without it cinema would not be able to survive the anarchy that exists outside the frame.

Robert Kolker in his book Bernardo Bertolucci

The Master Says 190

I let reality take over, most of the time. I set up a situation, and then make a sort of cinema-verite about the characters, the real characters I find in front of my camera. In the case of Tango, I felt as if I was interviewing Brando and Maria, seen within the narrative context of the film. Thus what results on the screen always represents the fruit of the relationship I develop with the characters, and of the relationship I develop with the things and the spaces I find myself filming. It is through the camera that I begin to understand the things and the people. That is why I am constantly open to learning and absorbing into the film that which the filming itself reveals, even if that should be in contradiction with what I have written into the script.

Bernardo Bertolucci

Back to Bagdad

Yesterday I had breakfast with my producing partner who was in town from Los Angeles. I have decided to let the original Made Crooked stand on its own and to make a new different film next Spring instead of remaking MC with a Hollywood cast. This is not news to my partner. He's been busy with other stuff and isn't the type to get anxious about this sort of stuff. He had seen a treatment for another script that he liked. He's the kind of guy that will get excited when it's time. He has a lot of faith in my writing and my ability to crank out scripts. For which I'm very grateful. It's nice to have someone so centered and accomplished believe in you. I told him how Last Tango has been haunting me. That I wanted to figure out a way to keep our principal cast small and bring actors up from LA for short supporting stints rather than ensemble work. I said I couldn't work on it right now anyway, because I need to get some editing done.
I didn't plan for it, but it happened anyway. Almost as soon as I said I couldn't spare the time for it, a new story went to work on me. It rattled around my head for most of the day yesterday, mostly feeling derivative of Last Tango. In the evening I sat down and made some notes, just to get it out of my head. The notes took a little more shape towards a treatment than I would have thought possible. I had to force myself to recall I wanted to stay close to Last Tango as the story took its own form. I worked on it again this morning. I told my wife the story. It continued to work on me as we strolled down to Junior's and back for brunch.
Then I did something I haven't really done before. I went to the library and checked out a few books that qualify loosely as research material for the script. I have to say how much I love our central library. It's so beautiful. Almost everything I ever want is on the third floor. Everytime I make the long climb up the cool marble stairs I wonder why I don't spend more of days there. I wish there were more people reading books than trying to get on a computer, but there's still plenty of books. I walked out with pile of them today.
Usually I do any necessary research on the internet in the interest of getting the script finished as fast as possible. Another thing I do is tell myself the story in terms of what might best fit the three-act structure. I resisted doing that this time and allowed myself to explore my recall of the influential events and some of their sense-memories. I allowed myself to explore and honor whatever came to mind. No logic to follow. There's no script to plug them into. I can enjoy the free-association for awhile. There's no hurry. I can trust the process. Slow and steady.
I came home and read in the back yard for the rest of the beautiful summer day, pausing to play catch with Henry, to push June in the swing and to listen to Maisie's conversations with her imaginary older sisters.
All I'm willing to say about the story is that a conversation that I had with my father one night many years ago has never left me and has become the fuel for this story's beastly fires.

¡Escriba!
Signore Direttore

Beastly: Brando, Bertolucci, You, Me, Everybody

I recently watched the new TCM 2-part series on Marlon Brando. I highly recommend it to all movie fans and especially to anyone interested in the craft of acting. Of all the films they showed clips of and discussed, one continues to work on me. I haven't watched it in a few years and I almost don't need to, its mark is so hauntingly indelible. The film is Last Tango in Paris. It's almost too bad that there was that unsalted butter bit in there, because that's all anybody ever seems to remember about the film. That's like saying Sgt. Pepper's is all there is to The Beatles.



I've been thinking a lot about the film this week. It's so beautiful. The camera tells us so much as it dances with the characters. And I'm not talking about the tango scenes. I'm talking about the apartment interiors. Marlon Brando and Maria Schneider move about independently and the camera both brings them together and underscores their separateness. Brando slumped against the wall, his distorted body forming a strong composition. He does nothing and commands everything.



It's also a lot about what the camera doesn't see. There's a lot of distorted shots through textured glass that are very painterly. Sometimes the distorted images are Paul's (Brando's) memories. The painterliness wasn't an accident as Bertolucci and Brando visited the Francis Bacon show up in Paris at the time. They directly quoted Bacon's compositions and alluded to the way in which the painter renders his figures compositionally.



In the end the film is about how truly grotesque we can be when every bit of our sophistication and pretense is stripped away.



As the truth always sets us free, there is absolute beauty in our monstrosity.

Bestiale,
Signore Direttore

Light and Shadow 009 - Bacon

Folk Wisdom 028

You don't get harmony when everyone sings the same note.

Transformers!

This movie is awesome! It's the exact opposite of any film I hope to ever make and I will never ever put it on my Netflix queue. However, I absolutely recommend going down to the biggest screen in your city and munching on some popcorn in front of this CGI tour de force. Eye candy doesn't even begin to describe this whirlwind.

My only disclaimer is that if you expect anything resembling a story, stay home and watch Hannah and Her Sisters again.

¡Popcorn!
Signore Direttore

Light and Shadow 008 - Carravagio

Last Days

This is where my father grew up. I took this photo yesterday. The barn is caving in on itself. The fields have been sown with grasses as part of a Federal soil erosion prevention program. I witnessed the butcher of the last of the chickens in the bottom right of the bottom photo, right where that t-shaped handle rests, when I was there for the summer of my eighth birthday. That was the last of the livestock on what was once a bustling farm that supported a family of six.
Two of my father's three sisters still live there with my grandmother. My father was disinherited. Probably just as well. I've written a script that involves the dismantling of the old barn that my grandfathers built in the late 1800s. I hope it lasts until I can shoot the film, which will be another year at least. My father's family is very devoutly Mormon. I don't think they'll let me make a film on their property that uses foul language or has any sex in it.

Coffin Nails

Throughout the making of Dangerous Writing and in the wake of picture wrap I've been asked a lot of questions directly and indirectly about individual performances and my overall satisfaction with the film. I've overheard some handwringing and fretting that some actors didn't feel they "nailed" things.
I have a very different take on this stuff. I don't want anyone to nail anything. I don't like the association with adreline fueled, pursuit of perfection that nailing something brings to mind. To me acting is about understanding the given circumstances of the text and then trying to get under it. As an actor, I welcome many takes - not so much to try many things, but to explore my experience of the scene, discarding and adapting as I venture forth. It is the only way that I know to connect and commit to exploring the imagined world of the story. If I hold onto to some idea about how it should be, I sacrifice my freedom to find out what it could be. As I remind actors of the given circumstances they latch onto them as direction. I'll suggest what it might be and then observe my suggestion getting played when my intention was to start a dialogue rather than end one.
I too want the film to be good, but not as much as I wanted to experience its creation honestly. Honesty is the most reasonable yardstick of creativity. Was I honestly working from the best I had to offer each day of filming? Or was I operating from a place of ego with the expectation that my involvment with DW was going to lead to something else?
If we can each answer those questions, we will know how "good" we were. I think many aspiring filmmakers and actors go into a new project with the hope that they are going to overcome their mortality and that the imagined and hoped for greatness of their egocentric insecurities are going to be fulfilled at last. Rather than trying to reinvent myself, I am looking for opportunities to find out who I am as a filmmaker. What are my strengths and weaknesses? Where do I need to adjust my focus?
In making DW, I had two primary goals regarding my process. One was to let others assist me in making the film. There are many things that I know how to do faster and better than the crew can do, but is that best for the film? No, it isn't. It drains my energy and focuses my attention on light stands and microphones rather than the story's possibitlites. I did a better job of letting go as we went along. My work in this regard is far from over. One of the things I have to get over is the idea that the crew will think I'm lazy if I'm not working alongside them. Another difficulty is to look on at someone fumbling with something I can do with my eyes closed. My most successful day of letting go was at Ristretto. Since one of my oldest and closest friends owns the place and was present, I would have thought I would have been vigilant about things working efficiently. Somehow I walked past a lot of blundering and kept a smile on my face. I noticed a lot of it, and I checked my watch as things dragged on with the crew, but I didn't take it on. I transitioned from micro-managing to managing that night.
The other thing I wanted to do on DW was to stop coaching actors on set. If an actor doesn't know how to do something, I would rather not teach them how to do it. After teaching acting for five years, it's a tough habit to break. As many of the actors in DW were former students I could sense their frustration at letting them flounder. In the long run, we'll all be better off for it. As I work with more experiened actors, a poorly timed acting lesson may well alienate a trained professional. It has probably irritated my former students at times as well. And my former students won't come to rely on coaching from other directors. Especially since most directors are not former acting coaches or even familiar with acting technique.
What I want to do as a director is sit back and watch the actors work. I want to remind them of the starting and end points, and perhaps a mile marker or two. Then I want to be surprised and entertained. I want to fall in love with them. I want partners in crime. I got that at times in DW. For sure. I personally ruined a couple of takes by bursting out in laughter. I would like to see more of that ownership on the part of the actors. I would like to see and hear less concern with being good. I would like to hear more questions about the story. I don't like "Should I ..." questions, they betray the desire to get it right. I also would like to see actors learn to hit marks and hold their blocking without cutting themselves off. I noticed a lot of energy getting put into not moving and holding marks rather than behaving within the boundaries of marks. Then there are those that ignore marks and blocking for the sake of more organic perfomances. Well if it's not in focus, it's not much a performance.
All of these things I mention are skills gained with experience. I don't look back on DW with finger pointed at this actor or that for failing my genius vision. Hardly. I cast them because I like them and I knew they would do a good job and be enjoyable to work with. That's especially important on a micro-budget film. Everyone succeeded in that regard.
Every experience is different. DW is a minimalist film. Getting the sizzle isn't important. On another film, the actors might need to stir their molecules a bit more. With more closeups, they might need to focus their energies better. But that's another film's challenges, I wish them the best in meeting those future challenges as well as they met the demands of Dangerous Writing.

¡Viva!
Signroe Directtore

The Master Says 189

I am not interested in actors that don't need me. I spend a lot of time talking to them, getting to know them, and loosely discussing the story.

Mike Figgis

Orson's Shadow or Why I More or Less Hate Theater

The play wasn't terrible. Let's start there. There were a few minutes in the first act and a solid chunk of time in the second that things were firing on all cylinders. Michael Mendelsohn was pretty great as Ken Tynant. Though his role had to carry a lot of expositional back story. Which is where I get a little annoyed. Theatre goers are considered of a higher intelligence. If that's so, why do we need so much tidy, comprehensive information? The play seems to ignore that there are a dozen biographies of Welles widely available. That you can Google him when you get home to fill in any blanks. Instead of stating anything new or challenging us to experience anything with Orson, we get a wordy biography delivered with sliding dialects.
The out-of-towners playing Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh were very good. I liked Olivier's haricut, but his moustache confused me throughout. Todd Van Voris as Welles was good at times. He got the boom of Orson's voice, but missed the soft lilt. I would say he missed all of Welles's feminitity. Lauren Bair as Joan Plowright did a fine job, though her costuming was awful. And the other supporting actor; oh my I think I'll let that one go without further mention.
Maybe it was the writing, but Van Voris seemed to bellow and boast from the surface more than he allowed us any experience of his or Orson's viscera. I've read the biographies and I realize it's not entirely clear what kept Orson from living up to his genius. I do think it's the task of the playwright, the director and the actor to make a strong choice in representing that protrayal. In this production we got a lot of single-mindedness and finger pointing. If that's a true representation of the historical facts, and I know it isn't limited to such facts, it makes for more squabbling than drama.
Everytime I go to the theater I feel like I'm at the ballet or the opera -- upper middle-class supporters and the prodcution co-signing the stuffy reputation of culture and art regardless of the quality of the performance. If I had to pay forty bucks a ticket for that, I would be pissed. Even with our comps I felt like I was being held prisoner at times.

Popcorn anyone?
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 188

You have to be very honest with yourself to do my job well. And you're not going to like everything about yourself. If you start hiding what you don't like, you're not going to be in the best position to do your job.

Jack Nicholson

Ever Heard of Sam Bowie?

In Sidney Lumet's book Making Movies he talks about watching football on Sundays in the fall. Reading that gave me permission to openly embrace the distraction that is professional sports. If you hate sports, stop reading this post immediately.

The Blazers had the incredible luck of getting the first pick of the NBA draft. The big question was Oden or Durant. The gentle giant or the dynamic athlete. I wanted Durant, the athletic sharpshooter. Portland chose Greg Oden, a nineteen year old with a history of injuries and the demeanor of Forrest Gump.
Back in 1984, Portland used its number two pick on Sam Bowie. Chicago grabbed a guy named Michael Jordan third.




We did get rid of Zach Randolph, who I saw jogging across the Hawthorne Bridge yesterday. I'm glad to see Randolph go. He's my least favorite Blazers of all time. Not only did we not get much in return for him - Channing Frye and the malignant tumor that is Steve Francis - but Z-bo is now on my other favorite team, the seemingly forever hopeless Knicks.
I want to go on the record to say we will regret this draft pick. Please, please, please prove me wrong Greg Oden.

Phase Three Complete

With the wrap party successfully behind us, it's time for a short rest before entering its post-production phases. I enjoyed the party, though I got hit with a wave of complete exhaustion about ten o'clock. I was happy to see all those that arrived and sadly missed those that couldn't make it. We showed a slide show of production photos taken by Simon Hill, David Millstone and all the rest of us that picked up the still camera during the shoot. I put the slide show together yesterday afternoon and watched it most of the seven times it cycled last night. I never got bored of seeing all the faces that made DW such a wonderful experience.
We also showed some dailies without sound. I didn't show selects, we just picked complete takes at random. We ran most of the scenes straight through from roll to cut. We cut two short to preserve the mystery. In one scene where Gish raises a pistol toward Miranda we cut to black. The immediate hiss of disappoinment was sweet music to my ears.
Suzy told me she spoke to Tom Spanbauer about the film. Spanbauer is the founder of a writing tradition called Dangerous Writing. It's based in Portland, but enjoys a widely known reputation in contemporary literary circles based in part on Chuck Pahlanuik's association with the group . Our film has nothing to do with their work, but I know that is not going to be an easy sell. She told me he would like to meet with me and that he is more intrigued than alarmed. I have to admit that I would not be too ecstatic if someone wrote a book called Made Crooked about a filmmaker-acting coach that makes micro-budget films with his students. At the same time, if my endeavors coincided with another storyteller's vision, it may confirm my own status. Knowing the temperament of many artists, it's likely that few of us would trust each other to come up with any thing as flattering or as accurate as we ourselves see as our truth.
Truth be told, I need to make some money. There are a couple of things looming, but I don't have the checks or even the deal memos yet. I don't mind going a bit hungry, but we're a little past that as I've been sticking my head in the sand for two months in order to focus on putting DW together. I have faith that things will work out, perhaps not painlessly but I accept that acheivment doesn't come without sacrifices.
This is the first project that I've ever finished where I haven't been thinking about the next one. I've done a lot of personal work over the last year to make that happen. It has a lot to do with not seeking approval or validation through external things, including my work. Of course I get both approval and validation from making films, but it has ceased to be the primary motive for my endeavors. My fulfillment is more the by-product of the accumulation of responsible actions rather than the collection of enviable accomplishments and recognition.
People have been commenting on how calm I am. I'm trying to learn from David Lynch. I would hardly call myself dispassionate, even-tempered or mild-mannered, but I am learning to allow the energy of my intelligence, intuition and creativity to bloom more fully. I've come to recognize that I have let anger, self-pity, tittilation, vanity and envy obstruct the flow of my more productive energies. Though meditation and counsel I have begun to recognize these patterns and to identify their sources.
I owe it to myself as I owe it to the increasing number of people that show their respect, love and support for me.

Getting out of my own way,
Signore Direttore

Cut There

It's over. We finished shooting Dangerous Writing. I'll be working on writing the sequel, Dangerouser Writing, instead of editing this one. Seriously though folks, it is over and I'm a bit sad. Exhausted and relieved, but somber. It feels done. I don't have any strong urges to rethink anything. Not to say I won't curse myself during editing, but ultimately I've always been in touch with making this film from where I'm at. I'm not trying to reinvent myself or jumpstart my career. I had an idea for a film and I shot it. We didn't have a lot of money, so some of it is going to be less polished or elegant than other parts of it. It isn't an exercise, that wouldn't be fair to the many people that came to work on a film that they hope to see and feel proud to have been involved. But I wasn't trying to make a masterpiece. Well, that sounds like a qualification. What I mean to say is hindsight is going to rear its ugly head and I'm getting ready to let my film off its deadly hooks by accepting that we all did the very best we could at the time.
We have mucho work to do, but for now I'm going to enjoy what we've accomplished. In the meantime, we have our wrap party tonight. I'm looking forward to basking in the aura of good feelings that have always been a part of making this movie. Last night's shoot couldn't have been a better way to end things. The day started with recording the phone converstations that Ezra has with his ex-wife that bookend the film. Cecily Overman plays Jo, one of Ezra's ex-wives that still speaks to him. She and David and I had a fun afternoon with that. We found some things that I was hoping to find for the ending. Then we shot a couple of individual scenes, one for Gish first and another for Miranda later on. They were simple scenes that we took extra time to light and to art direct. We took a break between the two set ups and had a meal together. There were a few days on the film that we were able to slow down. I like working that way whenever possible. I enjoyed the experience of shooting in Old Town the other night, but it kicked my ass to be awake for twenty-six hours. After a night like that, my insane appetite for shooting has finally been sated. I'm so glad we had one more day after the Voodoo Doughnuts scenes. It was nice to be able to finish the film on a more serene note.
There were so many awesome people that helped us out on this. Filmmaking provides really wonderful opportunities to get to know people intimately and to be part of a little tribe. It's like going to sleepaway camp, which as the child of single mom working for minimum wage it was a very rare privelege. Thank goodness I get to go so often as an adult.

Contentedly Exhausted,
Signore Direttore

Dangerous Writing Last Supper

Reverse Angle on Last Supper

Toland and Welles

Grip & Electric

Prepping for Final Scene

Miranda and Qwee at Voodoo Donuts

Second Unit

First Unit

Listening Closely Makes You Crazy

Little Birds

We fear to trust our wings. We plume and feather them, but dare not throw our weight upon them. We ding too often to the perch.

Charles B. Newcomb

David Lynch Interview - Part 2

The Master Says 187

I have no interest in explaining, defending, reinterpreting, or adding to
what is there.

David Chase

The Master Says 186

If one can accept one's sin, one can live with it. If one cannot accept it, one has to suffer the inevitable consequences.

Carl Jung

David Lynch Interview - Part 1

The Master Says 185

The Greeks already understood that there was more interest in portraying an unusual character than a usual character - that is the purpose of films and theatre.

Isabelle Huppert

Gun Shy

I hesitate to write much here as I learned that someone emailed a link to my blog to three hundred people. Funny, but I never imagined anyone would ever read my blog. Or that I would write it for over two years. Thank goodness for The Master Says series, otherwise I would have given up on this public journal.
I do appreciate the effort put forth by the supporter as he was simply trying to generate interest in the film and our need for extras this Sunday. As a result, I received the first suspicion that Dangerous Writing is based on Tom Spanbauer. It isn't, but some people are not ever going to believe that so I won't protest too much.
I've started to edit some of the film. It's exciting. And scary. I have a vision for the film that departs from convention. If, as Swift asserts, that vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others; does that mean I'm the only one that will be able to see this film's merits? Of course not, but it kind of feels that way when I'm all alone in the edit suite and the picture is "breathing" which might be considered an euphemism for shaking or jittering.
I get really freaked out while editing. I almost need to bring a paper bag in there with me to keep from hyper-ventilating and, or to vomit into. Lots of self-talk - "it's okay, breathe, just sit down, one step at a time, baby steps..."
I shouldn't edit my own stuff. But it's a hell of a way to learn to direct better. And it gets so old badgering editors that aren't getting paid.
I'm sad that the shooting of Dangerous Writing is coming to an end. It's not over yet and I'm looking forward to being back at the helm this Sunday. We have a split schedule that day. Up early to reshoot much of the island scene and then to Ristretto for our big extras scene. We have a huge night Tuesday in Old Town at Voodoo Doughnuts. Then a couple of short evening shoots Wednesday and Thursday. And finally our wrap party next Thursday night.
While editing today there was some beautiful Middle Eastern music playing in the backgorund of one of our MOS shots. I don't know if it fits the film, but it was inspiring. I have some musical themes in mind that can best be described as Techno Flamenco. One of the potential composers I've been chatting with got my reference right away, so I'm excited to hear his take on it.
I must say the universe has been quite open to me lately, offering abundant gifts and love. I'm feeling like a spoiled child -- overwhelmed and unworthy as well as a bitter that there isn't more under the Christmas tree. I'm the type of guy that will complain about the color of life preserver thrown to me. Some of it is an eye for detail, but most of is some deep terror that you should really let me fucking drown.
How's that for feeling hesitant about expressing myself to a potentially larger public?

¡viva!
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 184

Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others.

Jonathan Swift

Folk Wisdom 027

It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

The Master Says 183

I experience a period of frightening clarity in those moments when nature is so beautiful. I am no longer sure of myself, and the paintings appear as in a dream.

Vincent Van Gogh

The Master Says 182

There are a thousand ways to point a camera, but really only one.

Ernst Lubitsch

Thanks to Our Sponsors

I want to take a moment to thank the people and businesses that have helped make Dangerous Writing happen.
Please shop at these businesses. Please thank these busineses for supporting independent film while you're spending your money there.

Slabtown opened their doors to us and let us run riot for ten hours during business hours. They made life easy for us.

Stumptown let us take over the front door and the sidewalk in front of their Belmont location for most of a day.

Voodoo Doughnuts is letting us shoot in front of their place and they're excited to be of help.

Ristretto Roasters is hosting a scene that has twenty-five extras. They're going to be serving their excellent coffee and desserts to the crowd. They will be closed to the public. (By the way, if you want to be in that scene, drop me a line.)

220 Salon has provided assistance with hair and makeup and is providing our holding area for the Voodoo Doughnuts shoot.

Gearhead and DTC have both offered a lot of support with trucks, dollies, lights and grip gear.

The Belmont Lofts and its residents have been wonderfully hospitable and cooperative hosts to our principal location.

Limbo Films lent us walkie-talkies.

Krystal South provided us with two beautiful typewriters from her collection.

Suzy Vitello has been a wonderful supporter and consultant.


Grazie,
Signore Direttore

Elk Rock Island

Mumblecore

So, aside from the tiny budgets and the mumbling, what is a “mumblecore” movie?

What are the criteria for inclusion (besides “No jerks”)? The first aesthetic indicators — and, it must be stressed, not all friends of mumblecore make films like this — are improvised dialogue and naturalistic performances, often by non-actors. The films employ handheld, vérité-style digital camerawork and long takes. Budgets are tiny. The plots hinge on everyday events. The stories are often obvious reflections of the filmmakers’ lives. Most characters are white and educated and pursue creative endeavors when not pursuing one another. They are sensitive. They are sincere.

A lot of tension ensues over the answering or non-answering of cell-phone calls. Characters frequently attend and perform in sparsely populated weeknight music shows. There is an abundance of road trips.

Technology is ever present. Four Eyed Monsters is the story of its directors, Buice and Crumley. The two met online and decided to fall in love without speaking to each other in person, only via texts, emails, notes and MySpace. Swanberg especially, in LOL most of all, gets deep inside the effort to communicate through thick layers of screens. The Puffy Chair’s entire plot is set in motion by a phony eBay listing, perhaps a metaphor for the characters’ interpersonal misrepresentations. The suitcase-clutching heroine of Quiet City arrives in Brooklyn completely stranded, betrayed by her cell phone, waiting throughout the entire film for a voice mail to tell her where to go. She stumbles into a real, live connection in the meantime.

Above all, mumblecore films are about trying to communicate.

The Master Says 181

Once you've been really bad in a movie, there's a certain kind of fearlessness you develop.

Jack Nicholson

Back at the Helm

We resume shooting Dangerous Writing tonight. We have three scenes to shoot in two locations. In spite of having two weeks off in order to prepare for tonight's shoot, we are thin in terms of crew. I'm learning that in order to be available to the vision of the film, to direct the actors and the camera, I require a modest degree of support. I do not object to lifting sandbags or setting up a microphone, but I have only so much time and energy during a set up.
I have two choices -- roll my sleeves up and sacrifice some energy or let others do the lifting and setting up and sacrifice some time. Time on a film set is so fucking precious. It goes so fast when you're trying to bring it all together. It's such a delicate balance to keep the actors focused. It makes sense why movie stars have stand-ins. I need the actors on set to frame, light and block them. I need to rehearse them, too, but I want to keep them fresh. That's really their responsibility, but most of the people I work with don't have a lot of experience. They do their best, which is often wonderful, but it requires even more effort on my part to keep them focused. I keep saying focused, but what I really mean is present. It's not easy to be in the moment.
I need to do the same stuff they need to do, feel my feet on the floor, breathe, listen, follow my impulses, trust the moment.
If I do those things to the best of my ability under the circumstances that I find myself in on set, everything will be just fine in spite of how much to the contrary it feels much of the time.

¡viva!
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 180

Having worked with a lot of different directors, I can say something I look for in a director is somebody who will make tough decisions. Steven Spielberg always leaves himself room for options, but he will make decisions.

Allen Daviau, ASC

Pulling Focus

Back from my week in Maine at the International FIlm and Video Workshops where I took the FIlm and HD Camera Assistants course. It was very good to get away and to be immersed in the world of pulling focus, loading magazines, checking the gate and camera reports. There was a great group of people, some of whom I hope to stay in touch with for a long time.
I tried to speak very little of my independent filmmaking activity in order to focus on what I'm hoping is to become my new day job. It was nice to take a break from Dangerous Writing, though not easy to do nine days ago. It was new to to sit back and hear various camera department veterans speak of directors without letting on I was a director. Doug Hart, the primary instructor, has worked with some greats, Woody Allen most notably.
Sometimes the stories and the lectures seemed to get in the way of the hands-on work we all craved for more of than we we were able to do. In the end, I think this is going to be one of those experiences that I continue to draw from for many years. There was so much information put out to us from early morning until late at night every day. We broke for an hour for both lunch and dinner, other than that we were working. Even reading American Cinematographer on the plane ride home I noticed how much more deeply I understood many articles. Such and such production used the Panavision Genesis, a Panny Platinum and an Arri 235. Well in the last week, I broke down and rebuilt each of those cameras, threaded them, loaded mags, or processor in the case of the Genesis, for them and operated the Platinum and the 235 on my shoulder. I did not have such intimate knowledge of any of those cameras ten days prior. There's an ad for the new Arri 416. I spent two and half hours with that camera with an Arri tech. What do you want to know about it? Frame rates? 1-75fps. Shutter angle? Manual 45-180. Is it quiet? Less than 20db. Magazine? Coaxial design "borrowed" from Aaton. Take up side on the inside (reversed from SR3 mags) and deeper throat for quieter operation. I could go on, but I'm sure it's all too geeky to be of interest.
It was a fun week. I need to pull focus back to directing. It's tempting to be scared by the transistion, tempting to want things to be one way or the other, but it's also quite a privilege to have two such challenging and fulfilling facets to my working life.

I'm back,
Signore Direttore