Gun Shy

I hesitate to write much here as I learned that someone emailed a link to my blog to three hundred people. Funny, but I never imagined anyone would ever read my blog. Or that I would write it for over two years. Thank goodness for The Master Says series, otherwise I would have given up on this public journal.
I do appreciate the effort put forth by the supporter as he was simply trying to generate interest in the film and our need for extras this Sunday. As a result, I received the first suspicion that Dangerous Writing is based on Tom Spanbauer. It isn't, but some people are not ever going to believe that so I won't protest too much.
I've started to edit some of the film. It's exciting. And scary. I have a vision for the film that departs from convention. If, as Swift asserts, that vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others; does that mean I'm the only one that will be able to see this film's merits? Of course not, but it kind of feels that way when I'm all alone in the edit suite and the picture is "breathing" which might be considered an euphemism for shaking or jittering.
I get really freaked out while editing. I almost need to bring a paper bag in there with me to keep from hyper-ventilating and, or to vomit into. Lots of self-talk - "it's okay, breathe, just sit down, one step at a time, baby steps..."
I shouldn't edit my own stuff. But it's a hell of a way to learn to direct better. And it gets so old badgering editors that aren't getting paid.
I'm sad that the shooting of Dangerous Writing is coming to an end. It's not over yet and I'm looking forward to being back at the helm this Sunday. We have a split schedule that day. Up early to reshoot much of the island scene and then to Ristretto for our big extras scene. We have a huge night Tuesday in Old Town at Voodoo Doughnuts. Then a couple of short evening shoots Wednesday and Thursday. And finally our wrap party next Thursday night.
While editing today there was some beautiful Middle Eastern music playing in the backgorund of one of our MOS shots. I don't know if it fits the film, but it was inspiring. I have some musical themes in mind that can best be described as Techno Flamenco. One of the potential composers I've been chatting with got my reference right away, so I'm excited to hear his take on it.
I must say the universe has been quite open to me lately, offering abundant gifts and love. I'm feeling like a spoiled child -- overwhelmed and unworthy as well as a bitter that there isn't more under the Christmas tree. I'm the type of guy that will complain about the color of life preserver thrown to me. Some of it is an eye for detail, but most of is some deep terror that you should really let me fucking drown.
How's that for feeling hesitant about expressing myself to a potentially larger public?

¡viva!
Signore Direttore