London Crawling

It's been two years and three months since we shot a film called London Calling. A short film with a page count of twelve and a running time of something slightly less than that. There are scenes in the film that are beautiful where everything comes together. And there are scenes where things don't come together. And there's problems with sound throughout.
Sound has been a terrible obstacle in the way of completing the film since we wrapped. Not the only thing certainly. The darkness that is perfectionism, false pride, terror, procrastination and all sorts of other life-long nasty habits is at the root of the unfinished film including the hiring of an inexperienced sound person. Sure the guy misrepresented himself, but I didn't check him out. Ultimately, it's on me. Or maybe it isn't on me in any sinister way. Maybe it was my responsibility and I learned a tough and lasting lesson from my error in judgment, but it doesn't have to be something for which I don the hair shirt of shame for the rest of my life.
I screwed up a lot of things on London Calling. But I also did a lot of things well. The truth is that it has sat for a long time because I can't bring myself to let the warts show. I was full of arrogance when making that film -- cock-sure of showing everybody just how bad ass I was. Oh the posturing and shouting and anguish of not being understood! It was a mess, we were all in over our heads. It's hard not be in over your head when the expectations are set so high. And spending a lot of money. I spent three or four times the amount of money on London Calling that I did on either Made Crooked or Dangerous Writing.
I wasn't yet able to handle transitions or coverage very well. I didn't monitor sound or picture. I was promised a video tap that never happened. I kept saying, "I trust you" to the DP. My ego trusted him because Gus Van Sant had said such glowing things about him and the week before we shot he was featured in the local weekly about being a rising star on the local film scene. My false pride wouldn't allow me to acknowledge my lack of experience. My lack of experience blinded me to the need to not be blinded to the action as it was framed. I probably didn't know enough yet to see all the things were I monitoring that I missed watching with my naked eye. I recall being so tired in every manner as we shot the last shot that I just went through the motions. It shows.
That's enough flogging. Someone is working on finishing it with me. I need the impartial eyes of another editor. She has her frustrations, but when she can't get Matt/Mick from the exterior to the interior of the anarchy mobile I suggest a fade in/fade out and viola -- no more anguish. At the time of filming, I adopted the purist approach of the DP and would have rather died than resort to such a transition between scenes let alone within a scene. Film gods forbid! Well, I think I'll stop worshiping false gods and just finish the damn thing. I have to warn you, there will be some impure transitions.
Before I continue, I want to clarify my comments on the DP. He's done a lot of work to inform his perspectives and attitudes concerning film. They are not arbitrary. He has also done a tremendous amount of film making to merit the praise heaped on him by Gus and the local press. It was entirely on me that I hired him to shoot my film, doing so based on what others thought of his films rather than what I needed for my film. That said, I learned a lot from working together beyond that I need to leave my ego out of such decisions. I wanted to impress him and while that certainly caused some problems it inspired thinking about the film that resulted in some things of which I am very proud. We had our difficulties, but much of the film is quite beautiful and he had a big part in making it so.
One of the main things I see in the film is a clunkiness that is a result of rushing things. Eager to save precious film, I often called cut too quickly. I also cut too quickly because I experienced a certain disbelief that it was even happening.
I'm just discovering this about myself more clearly. When in a situation where I become excited, something is triggered in me that causes me to shut down. I've used drugs, alcohol, anger, cigarettes, women, dishonesty, food, false pride, chatter, coffee -- whatever means of avoidance it takes to keep from experiencing myself. I first noticed this with smoking. I was back in New York in the midst of a very productive period of making films, writing, directing theater, acting, coaching and writing. I noticed that whenever I got to a place of clarity or even a point where things would start to open up I would call for a smoke break. I would be at my edit station, writing on my laptop or in a rehearsal, things would be going well and I would get the urge to interrupt it by taking a smoke break. Here I was starting to discover the importance of being in touch and then willfully disconnecting every hour or so.
There's something beyond craving for nicotine at work in this dynamic. Because it's been over five years since I quit smoking. It's like getting a Mustang from Hertz and finding they've put a limiter on the accelerator. I'm cruising along and when my creativity wants to floor it, there's a limiter. Something telling me not to go any further. "Don't you dare." I know who's doing the voice over, but that's for a later entry.
I will say that the DP on LC gently commented on my tendency to call cut too abruptly. I have been working on it since. There were many times in DW that I let the camera roll for thirty seconds or more beyond where I could have called cut. There were also many times that I called it too soon. The difference being that I realized it immediately. But as Lyle Lovett says, "There are things you say and do that you can never take back."
And as Marcus Aurelius says, "Anything that happens at all, happens as it should."
KR and I are working on editing London Calling on Wednesday afternoons. I'm not going to get ahead of myself about the sound or the this or the that. Each week we'll visit it for a few hours. It will tell us what it needs from us as we go. Baby steps. Gotta learn to crawl before you can walk.
False pride cuts those innocent little baby steps off at the knees.

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