The Master Says 189

I am not interested in actors that don't need me. I spend a lot of time talking to them, getting to know them, and loosely discussing the story.

Mike Figgis

Orson's Shadow or Why I More or Less Hate Theater

The play wasn't terrible. Let's start there. There were a few minutes in the first act and a solid chunk of time in the second that things were firing on all cylinders. Michael Mendelsohn was pretty great as Ken Tynant. Though his role had to carry a lot of expositional back story. Which is where I get a little annoyed. Theatre goers are considered of a higher intelligence. If that's so, why do we need so much tidy, comprehensive information? The play seems to ignore that there are a dozen biographies of Welles widely available. That you can Google him when you get home to fill in any blanks. Instead of stating anything new or challenging us to experience anything with Orson, we get a wordy biography delivered with sliding dialects.
The out-of-towners playing Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh were very good. I liked Olivier's haricut, but his moustache confused me throughout. Todd Van Voris as Welles was good at times. He got the boom of Orson's voice, but missed the soft lilt. I would say he missed all of Welles's feminitity. Lauren Bair as Joan Plowright did a fine job, though her costuming was awful. And the other supporting actor; oh my I think I'll let that one go without further mention.
Maybe it was the writing, but Van Voris seemed to bellow and boast from the surface more than he allowed us any experience of his or Orson's viscera. I've read the biographies and I realize it's not entirely clear what kept Orson from living up to his genius. I do think it's the task of the playwright, the director and the actor to make a strong choice in representing that protrayal. In this production we got a lot of single-mindedness and finger pointing. If that's a true representation of the historical facts, and I know it isn't limited to such facts, it makes for more squabbling than drama.
Everytime I go to the theater I feel like I'm at the ballet or the opera -- upper middle-class supporters and the prodcution co-signing the stuffy reputation of culture and art regardless of the quality of the performance. If I had to pay forty bucks a ticket for that, I would be pissed. Even with our comps I felt like I was being held prisoner at times.

Popcorn anyone?
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 188

You have to be very honest with yourself to do my job well. And you're not going to like everything about yourself. If you start hiding what you don't like, you're not going to be in the best position to do your job.

Jack Nicholson

Ever Heard of Sam Bowie?

In Sidney Lumet's book Making Movies he talks about watching football on Sundays in the fall. Reading that gave me permission to openly embrace the distraction that is professional sports. If you hate sports, stop reading this post immediately.

The Blazers had the incredible luck of getting the first pick of the NBA draft. The big question was Oden or Durant. The gentle giant or the dynamic athlete. I wanted Durant, the athletic sharpshooter. Portland chose Greg Oden, a nineteen year old with a history of injuries and the demeanor of Forrest Gump.
Back in 1984, Portland used its number two pick on Sam Bowie. Chicago grabbed a guy named Michael Jordan third.




We did get rid of Zach Randolph, who I saw jogging across the Hawthorne Bridge yesterday. I'm glad to see Randolph go. He's my least favorite Blazers of all time. Not only did we not get much in return for him - Channing Frye and the malignant tumor that is Steve Francis - but Z-bo is now on my other favorite team, the seemingly forever hopeless Knicks.
I want to go on the record to say we will regret this draft pick. Please, please, please prove me wrong Greg Oden.

Phase Three Complete

With the wrap party successfully behind us, it's time for a short rest before entering its post-production phases. I enjoyed the party, though I got hit with a wave of complete exhaustion about ten o'clock. I was happy to see all those that arrived and sadly missed those that couldn't make it. We showed a slide show of production photos taken by Simon Hill, David Millstone and all the rest of us that picked up the still camera during the shoot. I put the slide show together yesterday afternoon and watched it most of the seven times it cycled last night. I never got bored of seeing all the faces that made DW such a wonderful experience.
We also showed some dailies without sound. I didn't show selects, we just picked complete takes at random. We ran most of the scenes straight through from roll to cut. We cut two short to preserve the mystery. In one scene where Gish raises a pistol toward Miranda we cut to black. The immediate hiss of disappoinment was sweet music to my ears.
Suzy told me she spoke to Tom Spanbauer about the film. Spanbauer is the founder of a writing tradition called Dangerous Writing. It's based in Portland, but enjoys a widely known reputation in contemporary literary circles based in part on Chuck Pahlanuik's association with the group . Our film has nothing to do with their work, but I know that is not going to be an easy sell. She told me he would like to meet with me and that he is more intrigued than alarmed. I have to admit that I would not be too ecstatic if someone wrote a book called Made Crooked about a filmmaker-acting coach that makes micro-budget films with his students. At the same time, if my endeavors coincided with another storyteller's vision, it may confirm my own status. Knowing the temperament of many artists, it's likely that few of us would trust each other to come up with any thing as flattering or as accurate as we ourselves see as our truth.
Truth be told, I need to make some money. There are a couple of things looming, but I don't have the checks or even the deal memos yet. I don't mind going a bit hungry, but we're a little past that as I've been sticking my head in the sand for two months in order to focus on putting DW together. I have faith that things will work out, perhaps not painlessly but I accept that acheivment doesn't come without sacrifices.
This is the first project that I've ever finished where I haven't been thinking about the next one. I've done a lot of personal work over the last year to make that happen. It has a lot to do with not seeking approval or validation through external things, including my work. Of course I get both approval and validation from making films, but it has ceased to be the primary motive for my endeavors. My fulfillment is more the by-product of the accumulation of responsible actions rather than the collection of enviable accomplishments and recognition.
People have been commenting on how calm I am. I'm trying to learn from David Lynch. I would hardly call myself dispassionate, even-tempered or mild-mannered, but I am learning to allow the energy of my intelligence, intuition and creativity to bloom more fully. I've come to recognize that I have let anger, self-pity, tittilation, vanity and envy obstruct the flow of my more productive energies. Though meditation and counsel I have begun to recognize these patterns and to identify their sources.
I owe it to myself as I owe it to the increasing number of people that show their respect, love and support for me.

Getting out of my own way,
Signore Direttore

Cut There

It's over. We finished shooting Dangerous Writing. I'll be working on writing the sequel, Dangerouser Writing, instead of editing this one. Seriously though folks, it is over and I'm a bit sad. Exhausted and relieved, but somber. It feels done. I don't have any strong urges to rethink anything. Not to say I won't curse myself during editing, but ultimately I've always been in touch with making this film from where I'm at. I'm not trying to reinvent myself or jumpstart my career. I had an idea for a film and I shot it. We didn't have a lot of money, so some of it is going to be less polished or elegant than other parts of it. It isn't an exercise, that wouldn't be fair to the many people that came to work on a film that they hope to see and feel proud to have been involved. But I wasn't trying to make a masterpiece. Well, that sounds like a qualification. What I mean to say is hindsight is going to rear its ugly head and I'm getting ready to let my film off its deadly hooks by accepting that we all did the very best we could at the time.
We have mucho work to do, but for now I'm going to enjoy what we've accomplished. In the meantime, we have our wrap party tonight. I'm looking forward to basking in the aura of good feelings that have always been a part of making this movie. Last night's shoot couldn't have been a better way to end things. The day started with recording the phone converstations that Ezra has with his ex-wife that bookend the film. Cecily Overman plays Jo, one of Ezra's ex-wives that still speaks to him. She and David and I had a fun afternoon with that. We found some things that I was hoping to find for the ending. Then we shot a couple of individual scenes, one for Gish first and another for Miranda later on. They were simple scenes that we took extra time to light and to art direct. We took a break between the two set ups and had a meal together. There were a few days on the film that we were able to slow down. I like working that way whenever possible. I enjoyed the experience of shooting in Old Town the other night, but it kicked my ass to be awake for twenty-six hours. After a night like that, my insane appetite for shooting has finally been sated. I'm so glad we had one more day after the Voodoo Doughnuts scenes. It was nice to be able to finish the film on a more serene note.
There were so many awesome people that helped us out on this. Filmmaking provides really wonderful opportunities to get to know people intimately and to be part of a little tribe. It's like going to sleepaway camp, which as the child of single mom working for minimum wage it was a very rare privelege. Thank goodness I get to go so often as an adult.

Contentedly Exhausted,
Signore Direttore

Dangerous Writing Last Supper

Reverse Angle on Last Supper

Toland and Welles

Grip & Electric

Prepping for Final Scene

Miranda and Qwee at Voodoo Donuts

Second Unit

First Unit

Listening Closely Makes You Crazy

Little Birds

We fear to trust our wings. We plume and feather them, but dare not throw our weight upon them. We ding too often to the perch.

Charles B. Newcomb

David Lynch Interview - Part 2

The Master Says 187

I have no interest in explaining, defending, reinterpreting, or adding to
what is there.

David Chase

The Master Says 186

If one can accept one's sin, one can live with it. If one cannot accept it, one has to suffer the inevitable consequences.

Carl Jung

David Lynch Interview - Part 1

The Master Says 185

The Greeks already understood that there was more interest in portraying an unusual character than a usual character - that is the purpose of films and theatre.

Isabelle Huppert

Gun Shy

I hesitate to write much here as I learned that someone emailed a link to my blog to three hundred people. Funny, but I never imagined anyone would ever read my blog. Or that I would write it for over two years. Thank goodness for The Master Says series, otherwise I would have given up on this public journal.
I do appreciate the effort put forth by the supporter as he was simply trying to generate interest in the film and our need for extras this Sunday. As a result, I received the first suspicion that Dangerous Writing is based on Tom Spanbauer. It isn't, but some people are not ever going to believe that so I won't protest too much.
I've started to edit some of the film. It's exciting. And scary. I have a vision for the film that departs from convention. If, as Swift asserts, that vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others; does that mean I'm the only one that will be able to see this film's merits? Of course not, but it kind of feels that way when I'm all alone in the edit suite and the picture is "breathing" which might be considered an euphemism for shaking or jittering.
I get really freaked out while editing. I almost need to bring a paper bag in there with me to keep from hyper-ventilating and, or to vomit into. Lots of self-talk - "it's okay, breathe, just sit down, one step at a time, baby steps..."
I shouldn't edit my own stuff. But it's a hell of a way to learn to direct better. And it gets so old badgering editors that aren't getting paid.
I'm sad that the shooting of Dangerous Writing is coming to an end. It's not over yet and I'm looking forward to being back at the helm this Sunday. We have a split schedule that day. Up early to reshoot much of the island scene and then to Ristretto for our big extras scene. We have a huge night Tuesday in Old Town at Voodoo Doughnuts. Then a couple of short evening shoots Wednesday and Thursday. And finally our wrap party next Thursday night.
While editing today there was some beautiful Middle Eastern music playing in the backgorund of one of our MOS shots. I don't know if it fits the film, but it was inspiring. I have some musical themes in mind that can best be described as Techno Flamenco. One of the potential composers I've been chatting with got my reference right away, so I'm excited to hear his take on it.
I must say the universe has been quite open to me lately, offering abundant gifts and love. I'm feeling like a spoiled child -- overwhelmed and unworthy as well as a bitter that there isn't more under the Christmas tree. I'm the type of guy that will complain about the color of life preserver thrown to me. Some of it is an eye for detail, but most of is some deep terror that you should really let me fucking drown.
How's that for feeling hesitant about expressing myself to a potentially larger public?

¡viva!
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 184

Vision is the art of seeing what is invisible to others.

Jonathan Swift

Folk Wisdom 027

It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.

The Master Says 183

I experience a period of frightening clarity in those moments when nature is so beautiful. I am no longer sure of myself, and the paintings appear as in a dream.

Vincent Van Gogh

The Master Says 182

There are a thousand ways to point a camera, but really only one.

Ernst Lubitsch

Thanks to Our Sponsors

I want to take a moment to thank the people and businesses that have helped make Dangerous Writing happen.
Please shop at these businesses. Please thank these busineses for supporting independent film while you're spending your money there.

Slabtown opened their doors to us and let us run riot for ten hours during business hours. They made life easy for us.

Stumptown let us take over the front door and the sidewalk in front of their Belmont location for most of a day.

Voodoo Doughnuts is letting us shoot in front of their place and they're excited to be of help.

Ristretto Roasters is hosting a scene that has twenty-five extras. They're going to be serving their excellent coffee and desserts to the crowd. They will be closed to the public. (By the way, if you want to be in that scene, drop me a line.)

220 Salon has provided assistance with hair and makeup and is providing our holding area for the Voodoo Doughnuts shoot.

Gearhead and DTC have both offered a lot of support with trucks, dollies, lights and grip gear.

The Belmont Lofts and its residents have been wonderfully hospitable and cooperative hosts to our principal location.

Limbo Films lent us walkie-talkies.

Krystal South provided us with two beautiful typewriters from her collection.

Suzy Vitello has been a wonderful supporter and consultant.


Grazie,
Signore Direttore

Elk Rock Island

Mumblecore

So, aside from the tiny budgets and the mumbling, what is a “mumblecore” movie?

What are the criteria for inclusion (besides “No jerks”)? The first aesthetic indicators — and, it must be stressed, not all friends of mumblecore make films like this — are improvised dialogue and naturalistic performances, often by non-actors. The films employ handheld, vérité-style digital camerawork and long takes. Budgets are tiny. The plots hinge on everyday events. The stories are often obvious reflections of the filmmakers’ lives. Most characters are white and educated and pursue creative endeavors when not pursuing one another. They are sensitive. They are sincere.

A lot of tension ensues over the answering or non-answering of cell-phone calls. Characters frequently attend and perform in sparsely populated weeknight music shows. There is an abundance of road trips.

Technology is ever present. Four Eyed Monsters is the story of its directors, Buice and Crumley. The two met online and decided to fall in love without speaking to each other in person, only via texts, emails, notes and MySpace. Swanberg especially, in LOL most of all, gets deep inside the effort to communicate through thick layers of screens. The Puffy Chair’s entire plot is set in motion by a phony eBay listing, perhaps a metaphor for the characters’ interpersonal misrepresentations. The suitcase-clutching heroine of Quiet City arrives in Brooklyn completely stranded, betrayed by her cell phone, waiting throughout the entire film for a voice mail to tell her where to go. She stumbles into a real, live connection in the meantime.

Above all, mumblecore films are about trying to communicate.

The Master Says 181

Once you've been really bad in a movie, there's a certain kind of fearlessness you develop.

Jack Nicholson

Back at the Helm

We resume shooting Dangerous Writing tonight. We have three scenes to shoot in two locations. In spite of having two weeks off in order to prepare for tonight's shoot, we are thin in terms of crew. I'm learning that in order to be available to the vision of the film, to direct the actors and the camera, I require a modest degree of support. I do not object to lifting sandbags or setting up a microphone, but I have only so much time and energy during a set up.
I have two choices -- roll my sleeves up and sacrifice some energy or let others do the lifting and setting up and sacrifice some time. Time on a film set is so fucking precious. It goes so fast when you're trying to bring it all together. It's such a delicate balance to keep the actors focused. It makes sense why movie stars have stand-ins. I need the actors on set to frame, light and block them. I need to rehearse them, too, but I want to keep them fresh. That's really their responsibility, but most of the people I work with don't have a lot of experience. They do their best, which is often wonderful, but it requires even more effort on my part to keep them focused. I keep saying focused, but what I really mean is present. It's not easy to be in the moment.
I need to do the same stuff they need to do, feel my feet on the floor, breathe, listen, follow my impulses, trust the moment.
If I do those things to the best of my ability under the circumstances that I find myself in on set, everything will be just fine in spite of how much to the contrary it feels much of the time.

¡viva!
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 180

Having worked with a lot of different directors, I can say something I look for in a director is somebody who will make tough decisions. Steven Spielberg always leaves himself room for options, but he will make decisions.

Allen Daviau, ASC

Pulling Focus

Back from my week in Maine at the International FIlm and Video Workshops where I took the FIlm and HD Camera Assistants course. It was very good to get away and to be immersed in the world of pulling focus, loading magazines, checking the gate and camera reports. There was a great group of people, some of whom I hope to stay in touch with for a long time.
I tried to speak very little of my independent filmmaking activity in order to focus on what I'm hoping is to become my new day job. It was nice to take a break from Dangerous Writing, though not easy to do nine days ago. It was new to to sit back and hear various camera department veterans speak of directors without letting on I was a director. Doug Hart, the primary instructor, has worked with some greats, Woody Allen most notably.
Sometimes the stories and the lectures seemed to get in the way of the hands-on work we all craved for more of than we we were able to do. In the end, I think this is going to be one of those experiences that I continue to draw from for many years. There was so much information put out to us from early morning until late at night every day. We broke for an hour for both lunch and dinner, other than that we were working. Even reading American Cinematographer on the plane ride home I noticed how much more deeply I understood many articles. Such and such production used the Panavision Genesis, a Panny Platinum and an Arri 235. Well in the last week, I broke down and rebuilt each of those cameras, threaded them, loaded mags, or processor in the case of the Genesis, for them and operated the Platinum and the 235 on my shoulder. I did not have such intimate knowledge of any of those cameras ten days prior. There's an ad for the new Arri 416. I spent two and half hours with that camera with an Arri tech. What do you want to know about it? Frame rates? 1-75fps. Shutter angle? Manual 45-180. Is it quiet? Less than 20db. Magazine? Coaxial design "borrowed" from Aaton. Take up side on the inside (reversed from SR3 mags) and deeper throat for quieter operation. I could go on, but I'm sure it's all too geeky to be of interest.
It was a fun week. I need to pull focus back to directing. It's tempting to be scared by the transistion, tempting to want things to be one way or the other, but it's also quite a privilege to have two such challenging and fulfilling facets to my working life.

I'm back,
Signore Direttore

Spring Fever 2007

Here we are at the last day of May. Almost halfway through 2007 already. I've been a busy boy. It will take me the rest of the year to finish the films I've shot this year. As if I won't start any more projects. Even though I probably shouldn't until some of this and last year's work have been finished. Maybe just a couple of sixty second spots for kicks to keep the monthly juices flowing. I spent last night and this morning looking at Dangerous Writing. It's looking really good and won't take long to cut that together. If we're not careful, it will be finished prior to Made Crooked. Which has been abandoned while we have been shooting DW.
What a glorious Spring. The Mets have the best record in the National League. They seem to have completely rid themselves of their hapless ways the past couple of years. They sit solidly on top of the NL East while the Yankees are out of contention and in last place of the AL East. I'm as happy to see the Yankees stink as I am to see the Mets prosper. I hate the Yankees with a passion. Living in New York as a Mets fan during the years the Yankees won several World Series was hell. Yankee fans are awful. I'd be in a deli at eleven o'clock on a Monday night and some mook that just moved to New York after college would say some crap to me about my Mets hat. Or even worse, heckle Henry when he was a baby for wearing a Piazza jersey. The worst of it was the countless idiots that were Yankees this, Yankees that, but couldn't name a single player on the team aside from Derek Jeter. My opinion is that Yankees fans are Yankees fans and Mets fans are baseball fans. I may hate the Yankees, but I can still tell you who is in their lineup. Some of my friends are Yankee fans, but I try not to hold it against them. It's not easy. I'm passionate about baseball. I read the box scores every night. It used to be in the morning before the internet. Two of my children are playing Little League, and while neither seems destined for the big leagues, I'm loving them in their little uniforms.
I leave in two days for a workshop in Maine with Doug Hart. Hart was Gordon WIllis's 1st AC for many years. He wrote the book and teaches the premier course for camera assistants. We'll be working with both 35mm and HD cameras. I've made the decision to steer my set technician career toward the camera department. There's a need in the local market and it suits my sense of organization and willingness to take on the high-pressure position of being responsible for the picture being in focus. I'll also be able to work later into my life than I would as a grip/electrician.
Honestly I would rather not have to think about anything but directing. However, I'm not a commercial director and I can no longer put my family in the position to wait for the elusive big payoff from directing independent films. I need to earn a living and loading film, teching HiDef and pulling focus is the way I plan to do it from here on out. I've bounced around in different departments for long enough. People like to know who they're dealing with in this industry. Director-writer-producer-grip-editor-production designer-acting coach-electrician-rental house manager-actor-cinematographer is far too many hyphens. This last year has been about shedding hyphens. I'll never be one to keep it simple, but I can continue to streamline things a bit.
I don't think I'll be blogging while I'm away, so enjoy the first ten days of June and I'll fill you in on my training and the return to Dangerous Writing when I return.

Pasta and bagels,
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 179

Krzysztof Keislowski could shoot as close as he wanted, he could shoot straight into my eyes. He was allowed, because he said what I wanted and I understood it. It was like a complicity that has no boundaries.

Juliette Binoche

This Man Has My Back

Dennis Brenhaug has done more for my filmmaking than anybody in a long, long time. He has my back in the truest sense, pushing me to take more time, to follow my vision. He's a producer in the old school vein - concerned more about the film than the budget and the schedule.
Thanks to David Millstone for capturing such a perfect image.

Ezra and The Professor

DW Days 6 & 7

It's probably needless to say that I'm a bit tired. We've been going at it steadily since Saturday. We got out of the loft location and hit the streets. No permits, no lockdowns -- we threw ourselves at the mercy of the public. It didn't turn out too bad. I really should give Marcus Aurelius an associate producer credit on this one. Every time something goes "wrong" it brings up a new perspective that helps serve the film. On Memorial Day we were in front of Stumptown on Belmont. Thanks to Stumptown for sure. They let us do whatever we wanted without a peep of complaint or interruption. Our takes are on the longish side as we are shooting most of this film in one-ers. We would get almost there, passersby walking through the frame unaware of the camera giving us free atmosphere and then they would notice the camera and do a huge triple take into the lens. We ran one scene 25 times or so. That was my first scene as a bit player in the film, written the day before, so I was all too happy to get warmed up and tweak the dialogue as we did it. Next up we had a more important scene. We ran that one about forty times. I was stressed out for the first fifteen takes, worried we wouldn't make our day if civilians kept ruining our takes. I talked to Dennis and said let's not worry about scene 3 today, let's just get out of the scenes involving Stumptown and our day-playing actress Maura. That took the pressure off of the next twenty-five takes. In doing so we realized the scene was bogging down in the middle. We adjusted. We did the scene so many times that the actors just talked to each other, assuming the take would be no good anyway. Furthermore by dropping Scene 3 from the day we realized that it wasn't needed as Scene 4 got us right into the story better. Deciding that allows us to look at a later scene relating to Sc 3 that was bothering me anyway. So we can take both of them off of our advance schedule and the story and our schedule are better for it.
Day 7 went well up until the sun dipped behind the West Hills during the second take of our coverage last night. Aurelius speaks again. I was going to shoot coverage on that scene because a very brutal murder takes place. I thought I would let the most violent part of it play just out of frame. But I think after seeing it in the master that I will stick with my avoidance of coverage in this film and let the brutality show. Anybody recall the cabbie strangulation in the Dekalogue? We scouted yesterday's location in the morning. I took a look at my scouting photos today and realized that when we go back it should be in the AM. We should reshoot the entire sequence rather than just the end. Not only is the light better, but the time of day is better for the story and in the rush of last night I compromised on some of our angles. Now that the actors have done it, we can shoot out of sequence and get our important bits up front.
Anything that happens at all, happens as it should. Almost makes me believe in God.

!Viva!
Signore Direttore

Ezra Answers the Call

Visitors on DW Location

My happiest moments on set were when my family was there.

DW - Day Five

We just wrapped day five of our twelve day schedule. I'm feeling much better about the way I experienced communicating with cast and crew. We had a new grip on board, also named Ezra, that was a pleasant addition to our small band of filmmakers. I liked all of our shots. Most of which I storyboarded an hour before arriving to set. I had this big breakdown in mind for Ezra, but I never got past the idea of it. I never was able to see it. I trusted that was an indication that I needed to rethink the story. I opted to make it much simpler. Which fits the minimalist tone of the rest of the film much better. I've been wanting to shoot a film like this for a long time.
I also added a scene and a couple of new characters today. Gives me a chance to do some acting, which I enjoy. The character I'm playing is a good chance to make fun of myself. Always a good idea.

Buona Sera,
Signore Direttore

A Pursuit Race

I was very excited to get back to shooting yesterday. We had a good day and got lots of really great stuff. Performances were very good. Everyone did a fantastic job. Joey not only did a great job on screen but he jumped in and helped with breaking down locations and loading gear. I liked all of our shots yesterday. We did some frenetic dolly shots, a very tranquil and oblique long shot and a couple of very slow dolly moves - a push in and a glacial crab. The crab was so slow that you couldn't tell the camera was moving. My hope is that it is akin to the moves in Goodbye South Goodbye where you think the camera hasn't moved and then you realize the frame has shifted during the shot.
We had a good day. Yes, I said it again. When you get your shots and take the time to make sure you give everybody a chance to do their best work beyond a usable take, you've had a good day. Especially when you have a tiny crew and jump to four locations. I need to remind myself we had a good day because I have some remorse about it. I felt like I was fighting the clock all day. Someone was a half an hour late - during which I took deep breaths and promised myself not to look at my watch until they showed up. First shot was at my place, so I slowly set up equipment and reminded myself that everybody was doing their best. However I only have so much stamina for that patience crap. I noticed that patience got thin as one thing after another went wrong - car crash on Hawthorne, wardrobe miscommunication, ran out of batteries for sound, fight choreography, tricky camera move (I was operating camera), specialty props, babysitter took forever getting the kids out of the house, random duder wanted to talk about learning to direct, neighbors' home improvement projects, et cetera. All the while I felt like we were racing the clock - in a pursuit race with time.
My ideal when things go wrong is to say and feel that I'm glad it happened, remembering Aurelius: Anything that happens at all, happens as it should. But sometimes I can't meet calamity with serenity. I feel my stress level spill into the way I talk to actors, to the way I direct them. It makes them want to do a good job, so as to be one less stressor to their director. It brings tension to their perfomance and ignores that they are not responsible for my stress level nor should they even sense it. I say shitty things like, "Acting 101, don't blah blah" What a dick. How about, "Hey guys, that was great. Remember your blocking basics and shift if someone gets between you and the camera."?
The bottom line is I'm asking a lot of myself on this one. Maybe it's not supposed to feel good the whole way. Maybe that's expecting too much of myself. Maybe I have to live and learn like the rest of the human race. Maybe. I get really caught up in worry that I'm letting people down emotionally, my own behavioral performance anxiety. It's a downward spiral. Without making excuses for untoward behavior, I don't have the opportunity to decompress much between shots or setups. I'm going to have to trust that the cast and crew realize this, yet still feel my support. That's really the key, that we're all supporting each other. It feels like all eyes are on me sometimes, and they are, but it's a two way street. A street that we're paving as we go. I want to experience those rough patches with a smile. Not only for the people that are essential to realizing this vision, but for myself as well. We all deserve it. Being able to do this is a gift. A glorious, wonderful privilege.

!viva!
Signore Direttore

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Folk Wisdom 026

When trees are planted and their roots aren't given enough time to grow deeply into the soil, they're sure to fall during a storm.

Back to Work

Tomorrow we resume shooting Dangerous Writing. I haven't exactly had the week off. I foolishly thought I might get some other things done in between shooting weekends. Live and learn. There's always way more work to do than I ever admit to myself.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow's scenes. We've got some fun stuff on the schedule, covering a lot of ground. The page counts are not as spectacular as the first weekend. We're back down to earth. I think we only shoot a couple of pages on Sunday.
The prop gun arrived today. It's pretty convincing. I have some new ideas about the story. It's really working on me. I spent the morning going through the story in my head, with careful attention to transistions. Found some good stuff. I think that's a strong skill that I've acquired though hard work -- being able to keep the whole script in my head. I've worked with a few directors that seem to have the backstory to every scene in mind or their projection of what the story is about, but rarely have I worked with directors that really know their story in a way that allows it to breath and change and grow as its being told. I'm not precious but I know what to guard. Or so I think. This could be a friggin disaster in the end. Which is okay by me, (to quote Elliot Gould's Phillip Marlowe in Altman's The Long Goodbye.) I'm not afraid to fail.

Sleepy/Anxious
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 178

The will must be stronger than the skill.

Muhammed Ali

Nasty Private

When I was in advanced training in the Army, we got called out of the barracks one morning, lined up facing one another and told to call each other nasty privates. We were called upon to suffer this humiliation for failing to pass a barracks inspection.
Why has this come to mind?
I just realized I haven't taken a shower since last Thursday or Friday.

More French than Italian,
Signore Direttore

Ezra Rosen at Work

The Master Says 177

Fear of rejection, give that up. See, all fear, you have to give up. All hope, you have to give up.
Because there's no such thing as hope in Hollywood. There either is doing it or not doing it.

James Coburn

The Master Says 176

We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us...

Marcel Proust

The Master Says 175

Read, read, read. Read everything - trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it. Just like a carpenter who works as an apprentice and studies the master. Read! You'll absorb it. Then write. If it's good, you'll find out. If it's not, throw it out of the window.

William Faulkner

Three Days Later

Over the past three days I've been a bit busy. We shot forty-five pages of our film Dangerous Writing. How is that possible? I know how it's possible, but I don't know how to tell you in a sentence or two. Mostly I feel very fortunate. I definitely have worked hard, as have a handful of others, but in a lot of ways I feel like it has simply presented itself to us.
Like today, we did the first shot of the movie as our last shot of the day. There was some static on the microphone cable. We were ready to go except for that. We spent the next half an hour trying to figure it out. We had an HMI bouncing into the room. It was our last resort aside from needing to replace equipment. We turned off the light. Solved our sound issue. The light coming in the window was perfect on its own. As we prepared to roll, David said he had lost his prep. I inwardly grinned. Not because I don't trust his preparation, but it seemed like a good thing to me intuitively. We rolled our first take. Pretty good. Couple of adjustments. Going again. It was good. More than good. Something in my gut thought that we had it, but how could it be that easy? Watched playback. Unanimous approval. That's a wrap. We resume shooting Saturday night. I can't wait.

A bit tired,
Signore DIrettore

DoP of Tommorow

Nicola brought the kids when she stopped by to do makeup for Dangerous Writing this morning. We gave Henry a turn behind the camera. He looks pretty good back there.

Homing In On Fellini

We started shooting Dangerous Writing yesterday. Without getting ahead of myself or becoming too self-conscious, it appears that I am getting closer to working like my virtual mentor. Weeks ago, I laid in bed musing on the fourteen most interesting faces and voices that I knew. I imagined them in a room together. Instead of putting words into thier mouths as the master would have done, I trusted them to come up with dialogue far more unexpected and immediate if I conjured the right given circumstances. They didn't let me down. I have been saying things like listen, put your attention on the other person in the scene, stay alive even when you're immobile, trust your impulses, et cetera for a very long time. Yesterday I said some of those things to a room full of people and then I walked back to camera and hoped like hell it would happen during the fifteen minute take or the five minute take. Most of the time it did. Or it progressed toward it in layers. The producer and the DP were chirping in my ear about how flat everyone was getting. But I had a bigger issue that I had to get across through the leading actor in the scene. I wasn't going to get the rest of the cast buzzing in their seats until it was time. But I didn't tell anyone that. I didn't snap any nasty "I know!s" or "let me work!s". I just kept hammering away at my objectives, trusting that we would get where we needed to go.
Fellini trusted his producers and camera men. I do, too. That's part of the reason I listened to them and tucked their observations away until it was time to address them. In another more profound instance, the producer was instrumental in preserving my vision yesterday. We were getting close to lunch and we didn't have a complete take of the fifteen minute scene I was trying to shoot in one take. A fifteen minute take that gets fourteen people and a baby into the room and introduces each of them, with a uniquely compicated camera move. As one of the crew guys (always reliable sceptics) said after we wrapped, It's a tough way to go. It is a tough way to go, but we were getting close. But not close enough, so I started to employ the Plan B I had tucked away. I shared with producer and DP where I thought to make the cuts and break the shot into three. DP was nodding like a fiend. Yes, yes, yes, he panted (What makes those guys so conservative?) God bless the producer as he sputtered, Sure you don't want to try one more? I think you got it.
Ah, sweet music to my ears! We went back into the room and voila, four more takes. All of them usable and only ten minutes into meal penalty. About which no one griped or even seemed to notice.
The same guy that said it was a tough way to go, asked me if I got what I wanted. Yes, I did. And I suppose I should have said so as simply as that. But, I said I don't know. I'm not the type to fall in love with what's on the monitor. I'm not the type to fall in love with a rough cut. I have to come to terms with things over time. I feel good enough to move on to the next scene. I'm also starting to feel okay about making a crappy film. That's why I'm willing to try it the hard way. I'd rather fail doing something ambitious than something safe.

Grazie,
Signore Direttore

Fresh Frozen

This oxymoronic headline grabbed my attention in Variety this morning:

DE NIRO, PACINO UNITE IN $60 MIL INDIE

If a sixty mil budget is indie, what do you call a film with a three thousand budget?
Maybe instead of Dangerous Writing, we could call it Movie From Another Planet.
A very impoverished planet.

When my paternal great-grandfather was a young boy, he walked behind a covered wagon from Minnesota to Oregon. He died debt-free but poor on the farm that they built when they arrived in Pendleton. My maternal grandfather dived for sponges in the Adriatic, set pins in a bowling alley and worked in coal mines in Pennsylvania all before he was eighteen. In 1978, he left a small house in NE Portland and thirty thousand dollars to his wife and children. He considered himself a wealthy man. Hell, my father currently works in a candy factory in Boise, Idaho and will never be able to retire for lack of a retirement plan. So I don't know if I can justly term our three thousand dollar budget, the free time to do it and the twenty-five thousand dollars worth of gear that I own as a blighted existence.

I ran into this production assistant recently cum producer at the camera rental house yesterday. I was doing my weekly internship, studying a Varicam. He asked if I was getting ready to do a little project. I said yes and asked him if he was getting ready to do a little project. He laughed and then said he was producing a music video for a local band. I could have hit him with a 'never heard of them' which would have prompted some predictable 'up and coming' blather. Instead I forgot the slight of the little comment and gave him my full interest and support. We exchanged numbers and I think I'll call him.

There's a lot of freedom in low expectations.

¡viva!
Signore Direttore

The Greenest City in America

Folk Wisdom 025

Fine friendship requires duration rather than fitful intensity.

Aristotle

Countdown to Danger

It's Monday of the final week of prep for Dangerous Writing. I've started to work with a producer/assistant director lately. It has required me to let go of a lot. Which is a good thing in many regards. Where it is difficult is that Dennis is a working AD and when he works on commercials he is MIA. Something I respect for sure, yet I sit and wait to see where we are with but a few days to go.
I've been drawing storyboards and assembling gear. I re-read the script the other day and gave some thought to transistions. This morning I walked down to the waterfront to shoot some stills from the Hawthorne Bridge. I discovered that the shot I had in mind is a bit flat and that shooting over the actors toward the bridge is a better idea. Or I may shoot through the willows on the bank for an even greater departure from formalism.
Audio has been a big concern and I'm doing a little more than crossing my fingers. I've hired someone and am turning it over to him. I'm trusting an awful lot to others on this one. I've discovered that someone with my resources can't make very ambitious films without trusting in others. I would rather be in control, but that's just a fantasy anyway.
I've got a lot of set dec to do as we failed to hire an art director again. I have a lot of art experience, but I am taking on a bit too much by doing it.
It's been hitting me the past few days that I'm asking a lot of myself on this one with or writhout trusting others. We're shooting ten minute takes on a jib arm mounted on a dolly with the camera supported by a bungee rig. I'll be operating camera while Jordan pulls focus, directs photography and manages media. I'll be directing fourteen people in the opening scene. Fourteen people that I want to be alive and in the moment, improvising as well as hitting marks and saying lines. I imagine that I will have eithteen cast and crew asking me questions at once. I welcome their questions, yet fear the limits of my bandwidth. I'll have to choose my battles and let go.

A side note: last week I worked on wrapping the stage for Untraceable. While we were accounting for the lights and cable and loading the trucks bound for California, the sets were being struck. There were piles and piles of windows, set walls and wood. Over the course of the week much of the sets came down. It gave me cause to become conscious of the enormous impact that a single studio film has on the environment. I also thought a lot of the excess gone to in order to create illusions of reality. As I've watched films since then, including Spiderman 3 with my son and his friend, I can't help but see the sets and the artificial light, the green screens and the translights. I got a bit jaded about the whole movie-making enterprise -- a bunch of people that make a tremendous amount of money to spend a lot of money to create entertainment for our uninspired consumer culture. To top off my disillusion with filmmaking, I had dinner with an old friend of mine that has done very well for himself in the business world. He told me he would help me get into the same business if I liked. But you know, even if I could make a few million dollars over the next ten years, I would be ten years older. Ten long years not doing what I love. And that's no way to live at all.

Rich in spirit,
Signore Direttore

(I'm bringing) Paxil Back

The Master Says 174

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

Ray Bradbury

The Master Says 173

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.

Epictetus

The Master Works 004

Trouble in Paradise
1932
Ernst Lubistch

Ernst Lubitsch was obsessed with the beginnings of his films. He would not proceed until he knew exactly how to begin.
The opening scene of Trouble in Paradise pays wonderful tribute to his obsession with beginnings. In 1932, if a film were to open in Venice, convention would call for a shot of gondolas on the canals. Lubitsch expands on convention masterfully.
He begins with a man picking up a garbage can on a dark night. The camera pans with the man as he carries the garbage and dumps it onto a trash barge in a dark canal. He breaks into song as he climbs on board.
We then see a man in silhouette jump from a window into some bushes. A crime has been commited. Another cut to a distinguished gentleman on a balcony looking out onto the canal. A waiter asks him how he would like to begin the evening's meal as a beautiful lady arrives below in a gondola. The gentleman responds that he needs the waiter's help as beginnings are so difficult. The waiter responds to each of the gentleman's questions with a snappy, "Yes, Baron". The Baron informs the waiter that "the meal must be marvelous. We may not eat it, but it must be marvelous." A few more "yes, barons" to the Baron's "I want to see"s and then finally, "And waiter, I don't want to see you." "No, Baron."
The scene could end well there, but Lubitsch has one more treat for us. The waiter plucks a leaf from the Baron's suit jacket. He pardons himself as he hands it over to the Baron who tosses it from the balcony.
Ah, The Lubitsch Touch!

The Master Says 172

There is a kind of beauty in imperfection.

Conrad Hall

Easy (Like Sunday Morning)

I'll never forget one of the performances at the talent show when I was in the fifth grade. Tammy Primiano, a seventh grader, did a dance routine to Easy by the Commodores. I sat transfixed as she swayed and moved in her leotard. She was beautiful.
Twelve years later I ran into her in a bar. She was just sort of ordinary looking, not at all the type of woman that captivated me back in the fifth grade nor in my early twenties. I, on the other hand, had grown into my looks and was all too aware of the effect I had on women. She was with a grade school friend's older sister. Tammy and I had never met, so she didn't remember me when we were introduced. I went straight into seduction mode, though I blew it by mentioning the Easy dance routine too soon. She was embarrassed to the point that the conversation ended with me trying to convince her that I wasn't making fun of her. And that was that. I never saw her again. But I can still feel my hands clapping for her at the end of her performance.

This Sunday morning doesn't feel so easy. Little children in my charge as a wife runs off to a photo shoot doesn't make for an easy- like Sunday. In fact I'm a bit anxious this morning. I'm thinking a lot about audio for my films. I wonder if it's the next layer of micro-budget filmmaking that I need to address or if it's my way of infusing some anxiety into an otherwise assured sense of my filmmaking abilities. Like a need I have for everything to be jittery. Excitement junkie that I can be.

That's what finally brought me to end my lifelong cigarette habit. I started smoking at the age of nine. I watched my grandmother die of lung cancer in high school. The health benefits of quitting never served as a sufficient incentive. It wasn't until I recognized that it was cutting me off from the moment that I was able to quit. I was getting deep into directing, acting, writing, producing, teaching. Really pouring myself into mind and body, but then I would go smoke a cigarette. I started to notice this punctuation -- like I would be sticking all these full stops, commas and semi-colons in my day.

I think I've switched from smoking to telling myself that I'm not enough or don't have enough to punctuate my days. I've practiced letting go of the more mundane consumer comparisons, like scanning the other cars and trucks while driving, trying to determine the perfect automobile to meet both my practical and egotisical needs. Or getting caught up in the slavery of constant home-improvement projects. Our kitchen and bathrooms look almost third world for lack of paint and modern appliances and fixtures. I would have never let that happen in the past. Lately I say, I want what I have as a mantra when desire creeps in. Not always, but more and more.

Fact is, I have big appetites to feed. Getting enough is not easy. Common sense told me I shouldn't start Dangerous Writing. Not until I had some other stuff sorted. There were some practical reasons to push on, mainly David going away to grad school. The thing that really got me was how much it was working on me. I couldn't ignore the story. I sheepishly brought it up to my wife and then to Dennis. They were both in favor or going for it.

I still want the kitchen to look nice, but I've learned to wait. To respect that as an artist, I don't get to have it both ways. Bohemian delights in an upper-middle class wrapper. Same with my films. I can't sit around and wait for the Studios' greenlight. Nor do I want to spend my precious time raising money. But I want my films to look and sound good. I like to buy gear because I don't like to spend money on rentals. For many things you need insurance, which I don't have. Then you need to reserve it, go pick it up and return it. A lot of phone calls and running around. To top it off, rental houses base their rates on twenty rentals paying off a piece of equipment. If I'm going to use something twenty times in the next two years, I try to find a way to purchase it. I write it off on my taxes and I rent some of it out. I've made as much money this year renting gear as I have working. On top of that I have really good credit, both personally and for my business, so it's all too easy to make purchases.
The thing about audio gear is it doesn't go obsolete like cameras. I remember the salesmen trying to tell that when I bought my first audio stuff. If only I had thrown down the cash once. But I didn't and "if only" is an attitude that will kick my ass if I let it run free. Good sound people are worth their weight in gold and they know it. To hire one of those guys they charge a minimum of $700 per day. With their gear. That's their indie, I'm doing you a favor rate. Even when you're ready to kick that amount down, they are rarely available. And they often want a mixer and a boom op. Totally understandable, but hard to accomodate with no money. And I love to keep these crews tiny. Keeps everybody focused.

My thought is to turn to one of the guys that has some experience but has no gear and to put some quality gear in his hands. I also need to learn what makes good sound and check in with them until they've proved to be competent. Unlike on London Calling with planes flying overhead and the soundman saying, Not hearing it. Go ahead. Only to find he'd turned the levels down so far that next to none of the dialogue was landing on the DAT.
I'm going to talk with a couple of the up and comers this week. My dream would be for them to hustle their next jobs using my sound package. I would make them a sweet split. We'll see.

I have a lot of Dangerous Writing meetings and rehearsals today. That's probably some of my anxiety -- i just want to get to work. There's been some wonderful synchronicity happening.

Take it easy,
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 171

I would rather people feel a film before understanding it.

Robert Bresson

Cinco de mayo

PALOMA

Having lunch in a little Mexican town called Cholula. Menu del dia which is
always a bargain. Four small courses and a drink for a buck. Lots of
students in this cafe. One dusky Mexicana with hips like two battleships
isn't being coy with her stares. You know how those things go. Her lunch
companion is my lunch companion’s teaching assistant.
We offer them a ride in our car. On the
way to the car I step off of the high Mexican kerbside to the dirt street
as she tells me her name. Paloma.

You have to say it like she said it. “P”'s are not aspirated in Spanish.
Put your fingers in front of your mouth and say p-words until no air
comes out. That's the spanish p. Soft and pretty.

Paloma
Hernandez
Gallardo

Very confident girl. The way she walked. The things she said. Si,
vamonos. She said when I asked her out.
No importa that I am a professor? No importa, she said. No giggles.
That Friday night I took her to Puebla, the colonial
city near the university. We had drinks in an old building lit only by candles and
torches. She told me to tell her stories. You are a writer, tell me your stories. I was shy to
talk about sex in Spanish back then.
All of my stories seem to be about sex. Since then I've made Cuban girls blush. I told
Paloma some of my stories. She listened. She did not blush. Or giggle. We walked around the old
city in the dark second world night. In the quiet of the thick-walled narrow streets I heard her say my name under her
breath again and again. That made me feel more triumphant than
sexual seduction ever did.

I seduced Paloma Hernandez Gallardo one afternoon after lunch. She came
to my office a few weeks after our date. She sat at my desk and looked at my writing. She read a few
lines aloud. Her English was pretty good. She giggled finally. I took my shirt
off. She gasped. ¿Por que? she asked, fearing all the pictures
and words on my body. I can't tell you she learned to appreciate them. Though
she continued to visit my office in the afternoon
to interupt my writing.

Paloma seemed like a woman in every way. Her hips and mind and lips. Her
hair was thick and dark and wavy and it seemed most of all like the hair of
a woman. Buy me a chocolate cake manana. It was her birthday, she said. The next day
Paloma turned sixteen. I only thought to ask her age after I saw the
way she ate that chocolate cake.

The Master Says 170

A writer ought to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.

Mark Twain

Made Crooked Bank Robbery

Another One Down

We finished Klepto today. Sean put the finishing touches on the sound effects and music. I did the titles and end credits. Jordan did a little color grading. We'll be putting it on DVD for the cast and crew in the next day or two. Then I'll put it on the shelf until a local festival calls for entries.
I'm kind of numb about it. In part because I'm quite tired from being up most of last night. Though I think there's something else going on, too. Like I don't want to get too excited about it. If I get excited about it and you think it's lame or just okay; I'll look foolish for being enthusiastic about my work. Playing it cool is what I do best. Back in the eighth grade my homeroom teacher wrote a little couplet for each student when we graduated. Neal Corl always leans way back in his chair as though he has nary a care. I would have preferred something about my love for basketball or my disruptive antics.
Anyway, I finished a film. That's progress.

Too cool for school,
Signore Direttore

BlahBlahBlah - HeroZeroZeroHero

I've never been a big sleeper. I know people that can sleep until three in the afternoon given the chance. Not me. Even when I was out and about and up past the sunrise, I was still up before noon. Since I've had kids, it's been even worse. If I pull an all-nighter, I'm still up around seven -- dehydrated and feeling hungover in spite of the fact that I haven't had a drink in years.
I often come to in this dry and semi-lucid state with a somewhat inflated sense of myself. A sort of euphoria that tells me I can conquer the world. Because I ultimately don't believe I will have any success, I exploit my manic perspective to envision grandiose fantasies. It's an optimism I am not accustomed to and try to squash as soon as possible. Whatever I have accomplished, I minimize and shortly thereafter fill myself with shame for having thought I might have come up with something that should even see the light of day.
My fear of success is evident in the many unfinished projects and mountains of insulation piled in and around my edit suite and office. I'm trying to change that dynamic. The solution is pretty simple - I show up for the work, I ask for help and I let go of the results. I don't do any of the former perfectly and I've learned that I don't have to. All I have to do is show up. Being able to do this is a big deal for me. I've encountered mucho resistance to it.
One of the projects I've been working on for the past year is Made Crooked. From the beginning, I was determined that for once I was going to embrace mistakes. I let go of the idea that I would make something even close to perfect. Hence the title, which came to represent so much more than my willingness to make something not perfectly straight. It was made crooked because I didn't tell the actors we were even making a film. It was made crooked because I knew the story I wanted to tell and yet it revealed itself to me through its telling. It was about a family, which brings to mind a leafless tree as well as a graphic diagram of lineage. It was based on a quote from Ecclesiastes, claiming that no man can make straight what the divine has made crooked by design. This brings to mind all the wonderful organic shapes in nature -- none of them rectilinear, all of them perfect. It was made crooked because as much as I wanted to make mistakes, I vainly knew I was onto something bigger than I had ever imagined. I selfishly and irresponsibly took the spoils, finding out just out made crooked I myself am.
When the dust settled, it seemed this magical film had some serious shortcomings. Nonetheless, I tarried on; after all wasn't that the point? When we finally sat down to edit it, It seemed that it was an irredeemable mess. There was no way it was going to cut together in any way close to my vision. So I gave up on it as a film, but was determined to use it as a valuable tool to improve my filmmaking. I really wanted to stamp my feet, point some fingers and indict myself for being a hopeless hack. There was a brief period last fall in which I resolved to give up directing and limit myself to writing. Thankfully I didn't want to cut and run without assembling the footage from our made crooked experiment in order to serve as a coherent record for all that had invested their time and energy in the project.
And special thanks to Cassidy for believing in my work enough to commit to a remake of Made Crooked. With that unexpected turn of events, the motivation to create a record for what we had done was even greater. I would use the original to rewrite the script and to prepare to direct a more experienced cast and crew with a much bigger budget. It would serve as part of our presentation to actors, crew and investors as well.
I've showed it to a number of people over the past few months. Jordan and I have gone round and round, frustrated and angry at each other. We would often lament how close it was -- if only this shot was better, if only we had done it this way, if only, of only, if only ... He thought there was a short in it. I was adamantly opposed to reworking it until I saw the story laid out for better or worse. Where's that scene? It's shit, completely unusable. Okay, forget it. Put a Scene Missing title card in its place. The scene missing card was put off. We were closing in on wrapping it up. We chose a few key scenes to print onto DVD and showed that to people. Positive feedback. Some yeah buts on my part in response. I don't want to make a film I have to qualify or apologize for. Blah, blah, blah. Hero. Zero. Zero ...
Looking at the calendar I realized we were coming up on the year anniversary of filming. I offered Jordan a little cash bonus to try to meet an April 30th deadline. Just finish the damn thing, it doesn't have to be perfect. As we toiled, we found ways to make it work. Suddenly there were no scenes missing. We didn't actually need every last shot to make it fire on all cylinders. We started to trust. And we even had fun coming up with solutions. Some things came together surprisingly quickly. Other things that seemed like they would take but a second became laborious. As the day became night, we chose and fought our battles well. As the night became morning I started to fall in love with the original Made Crooked. It was good enough. I started thinking maybe it could stand on its own, that we didn't need to remake it after all.
Then I came to after a few short hours of sleep and started thinking Made Crooked just might launch my career after all. If I ... and get so and so to ... and finish that ... I'll take a bunch of meetings and ...
Stop. Breathe. Do. The. Next. Right. Thing.
I'm going to take it easy today. A little time with Baby June this morning. Finalize the sound on Klepto with Sean. Henry has a baseball game this evening. I'll see how I feel about Made Crooked after I have had a full night's rest. I didn't go through all of this to revert to an ego-driven approach to filmmaking. All I have to do is show up, ask for help and let of the results.

See you in Hollywood!
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 169

I'm not religious, but I believe that what I have is a gift, and I respect it and live up to it.

Sugar Ray Leonard

April Short - Production Notes

Lumberjack Storytime - a young woman's personal fairy tale expresses her need to reclaim her sexuality.

I'm sticking to my commitment to shoot a short every month this year. I'm four for four. I'm tempted to say I cheated this month as it is primarily a scene I extracted from Made Crooked. But it did require a certain amount of reworking, rewriting and reshooting and I am going to give myself a break from my purist bullshit for once.
The lumberjack sequence we made for Made Crooked was pretty cool and I didn't want to see it go unseen. It needed something to help it stand on its own. A little context. So we came up with a little intro and an outro. And the voiceover needed to be tailored to what we actually shot. It was close, but I am so much happier with the rewrite and the dialogue Tara and I improvised.
We had to wait for Tara to come back to town to shoot it. It was good to see her and it made me miss having her around, especially now that we're shooting so much.

We're shooting Dangerous Writing in thirteen days over May and June. A feature will have to satisfy my monthly commitment for a couple of months.

Signore Direttore

April Short - Production Still

First Rehearsal - DW

Nobody knows anything and that includes me. I'm not saying that we're stupid. No way. No how. I will say that we are afraid. We want to know. We want to possess all the knowledge necessary to feel safe. It is fortunate that that is an impossibility. Nothing new is going to come out of our plans and preparations to protect our fragile egos. We can not feel truly safe until we allow ourselves to trust in one another, in the process and in the moment.
Last night we tried to do this. The we was a large - sixteen people in the room giving up their notions of feeling safe, each to the best of his or her ability. I appreciate the trust. It's comforting. It makes me feel good about the process as it is only through trusting in it that I am able to continue to show up to not know.
I didn't know how things were going to work out last night. I didn't have a master plan other than to get a bunch of people in the room together and let them know the origins of my ideas, share with them some of my previous work accomplished by not knowing and to discuss some basic logistics.
I didn't have anything up my sleeve. Though it seems my reputation as a bit of a trickster has some people wondering. I like the way that supports not knowing, though it was never part of a master strategy. I'm just following my nose, hopefully into the same unconscious competence that I'm inviting others to explore.
I certainly don't want to figure it out - I've probably said far too much about it already. I am grateful to find myself here. I truly enjoyed last night. I was excited to have so many different faces and minds in the room. To feel their abundant energies and to experience my own kaleidescope of responses. This is fun.

Signore Direttore

Light and Shadow 007 - Rembrandt

Busy Busy

7 - 8 - Sunrise Meditation Meeting
8-10 - Study SDX900 Goodman Guide
10-11 - Go to DTC for gear and chat with Don
11-12 - Brunch with Cassidy's at Doug Fir
12-12 - Office Depot for Printer Ink
12-3 - Create Shoot Schedule Dangerous Writing with Dennis
3-3 - Drop off HD monitor for rental to an Ad Agency
3-5 - Meet with Potential Composer for Made Crooked
6-7 - Dinner Interview with Key Crew member for Dangerous Writing
7-9 - Meet with Photographer to review stills from Blowing Up
9 - Blog about incessant meetings on busy monday or busy week
10 - Good Night

Principles

On Houston Street there's a place that sells caviar cream cheese. I had just driven from Kansas City to New York in twenty-four hours. I was tired but couldn't sleep. I met my friend at Russ and Daughters for bagels with caviar schmear. My friend owned a club where I promoted parties. It was a boite of the moment and we were making loot hand over fist. I had been away for over a week, which was a long time to leave the fickle club promotion business to chance. It was Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend. I was eating caviar for breakfast after flying across the country in the silver Mercedes I had gone out to Portland to pick up. I stopped in Kansas City to eat Thanksgiving dinner on a lawn chair in front of the television with my father and his wife. Life was good yet filled with that uneasiness common to young succesful people in New York City that eat holiday meals on tv trays when they go home -- I was waiting to be found out. How do you tell your dad that makes ten bucks an hour that you take home thousands of dollars a night hosting parties for celebrities and the pretty people that spend a lot of money to be around them? How do you tell the pretty people that you saw them on tv while eating Thanksgiving dinner?
In those days I wore custom suits tailored in a late 1930s cut -- high-waisted, double-breasted, pinstriped things of beauty. Spectator shoes year round. And a fedora to match. I was known to many as Big Daddy, Wiseacre, Two Caddy Daddy or any combination of the three. My suits cost more than my father made in a month. Each. And I had a closet full of them. I suppose that helped keep the pretty people off the scent that I was the son of a nobody. Maybe they wouldn't have cared. That was a notion I never considered.
Most nights I walked through the crowds projecting an air of mystery and danger, pretending not to notice the people that whispered to each other as they watched me pass. When I spoke to someone I leaned close and whispered in their ear. I had a group of male friends that dressed like I did. We greeted each other with a kiss on the cheek, acting like gangsters from another era. We put on a show that we seemed to believe more than anyone -- the suits, the hats, the shoes, the music, the dancing, the tattoos, the vintage cars, et cetera. I had two Cadillacs -- a 1950 sedan and a 1968 convertible. The Mercedes was my driver. Crazy to own a car in Manhattan? I had three of them! How's that for overcompensating?
The first night back at the club was a long one. I was tired from the drive and it turned out to be slower than usual because of the holiday. I didn't get the usual rush of adrenaline that a packed house gave me. I felt mortal. Which was no shape to be in for who was about to give me her attention. I don't remember how we got to talking, but we had met before and I certainly knew who she was. All you had to do was check out a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue to see a lot of her. I bought her a Lychee Martini. We chatted through that cocktail. When I noticed she was empty, I hesitated to offer her another for fear it would open the door for her exit. Any other night I would have given the signal to the barman and kept 'em coming on the slick and cool. But, as I've mentioned, I didn't have it that night. She might even have had to ask me to get her another drink, god forbid. Some way or another we got another drink in front of her and our conversation continued. I remember thinking there was no way I was getting anywhere with her but I was happy to get the free publicity. I played it real cool, so that it was obvious to anybody that saw us together that I was not hitting on her. I did that as a preventative measure to make sure it was easy for all to see I hadn't failed to woo her as much as not having had tried in the first place.
After the second lychee martini she told me it was too bad I couldn't leave and go somewhere else with her. I made sure she knew I didn't punch a clock and could leave whenever I liked. And away we went. Things we looking more optimistic than I had originally thought possible, but I was still playing it cool. However, my next move was sure to inspire envy as I crossed the bar to my partner and leaned to whisper in his ear of my early departure. He asked me if I was coming back that night. I could definitely say no because even if my next stop with Miss Lychee ended with a handshake, I was going straight home. For some much needed sleep as well as to aid the perception that my night was a success.
Back to the table, helped her into her coat and paraded out the door, stopping along the way for introductions and goodbye kisses to the fellas. Lots of twinkles in their eyes that night. We strolled arm in arm to the next spot. It was there that things turned a bit south. She started talking a lot about a guy that I knew -- one of the owners of the joint we were sitting in. He was there. Came over and chatted, bought us some Champagne. Nice guy. Good looking in a French sort of way -- longish hair, open-collared shirt. I got a straight razor shave and a haircut every Wednesday at a barber shop on St Marks Place by a barber called Danny. After the barbershop I went to see my friend David at a bar on First Avenue for the most perfect Bourbon Manhattan known to man. I wore ties. Always. So what could I say about this guy? We smoked different brands. I had nothing bad to say about him and it wasn't going to do me any good anyway. Besides it quickly became obvious she invited me to come along so she didn't show up at his bar by herself on a Saturday night. Something she had no problem doing at my place. I was ready to go, not so much so as to make an abrupt exit, but the writing was on the wall and my head needed to be on my pillow.
After not too long we left. She asked me to walk her home which was close by and on the way to my place. She invited me in. Things happened as they should for a romantic evening to progress. I was surprised, but I didn't show it. I had written the opportunity off and lost whatever energy I might have had, but this was the kind of thing that I couldn't pass up. I rallied and made like it was all part of the plan. I was as perfectly non-chalant as I imagined a man that routinely sleeps with super-models should be.
She slipped into something more comfortable while I made drinks. She played some music. We sat together on the sofa and sipped our drinks. We moved closer. And closer. We kissed a little. We put our drinks down. We kissed some more. We got really close. Something didn't feel right. I wished I wasn't so damn tired. She noticed my distraction, said something to me about it. What did she just say? I heard her, but I asked her to repeat herself. Maybe I was tired and I didn't her correctly. What's a matter, Frankie? That's not my name. You look like a Frankie, she cloyingly back-pedaled. I gave her an I'm not buying it look. That's what everybody calls you, she grasped at straws. No dice.
Had she been a random drunken girl in Kansas City and not a well known goddess in the big city, I probably would have let it slide.

The Master Says 168

I never came upon any of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking.

Albert Einstein

The Master Says 167

Is he related to something infinite or not? That is the telling question of life.

Carl Jung

The Master Says 166

I always entertain great hopes.

Robert Frost

The Master Says 165

A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

Albert Einstein

Sounds Like a Klepto

Finally making some progress on getting Klepto finished. I found a guy through Craigslist that's tackling it. Turns out that he's using my sound effects library exclusively so far. I would have gone out and recorded it all were it up to me. We'll see how it turns out doing it this way. Sounds pretty good so far.

Signore Direttore

The Master Says 164

I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgment, it takes place every day.

Albert Camus

The Master Says 163

I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.

Kurt Vonnegut

Light and Shadow 006 - Zurbaran

The Master Says 162

I'm always having the feeling that I don't want to do it [make films] anymore at all, that I'd like to take a break for a year or so, and then, when the first week of that year is up, I can't endure it anymore after all....

Rainer Maria Fassbinder

The Master Says 161

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

Abraham Maslow

The Master Says 160

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.

Muhammad Ali

Light and Shadow 005 - Caravaggio

Word Count

It's rumored that the novelist Thomas Wolfe (Look Homeward Angel, et al) roamed the streets of New York at night shouting his word count for the day. I always remember that when I've had a productive day at the keyboard. "I wrote five thousand, two hundred and sixty-four words today." Some say the free-flowing Wolfe owes his career to his editor Maxwell Perkins, the great editor of the Lost Generation. All the more important since most of his novels were published post-humously. Anyway, I'm writing a new screenplay this morning about a writing teacher that preaches brevity. It didn't stop me from writing twenty pages so far today. I'd still be going if i didn't have to make lunch for my children.

Feels good. To get so much writing done in a morning. And to brag about it.

Signore Direttore

The Master Says 159

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

Mark Twain

Spring 2007 No-Budget Feature

Dangerous Writing: A creative writing teacher's encouragement to live and write on the edge leads to blurring the boundary between fact and fiction.

Shooting commences this month on another quasi-improvisational digi-feature. In full HD this time. We'll shoot no more than 10 full days and spend no more than $500. Should be fun. I'll keep you posted.

It's Called Gratitude

I've had a cold for the past couple of weeks. I got it when I was working non-stop and it still hasn't gone. Once I stopped the tough work of gripping and juicing, I have had time to think. Which is to say that rather than peaceful contemplation, I have been worrying and drumming up self-pity. I have no set work on my schedule, so I'm certain that I will NEVER, EVER get another day on set. Which means I have to COMPLETELY RETHINK MY LIFE.
My antidote to the despair of such thought is to do what's in front of me and to express my gratitude for all that I have. For one thing, I have a lot of writing, editing and producing work to do. I've been dying to have some free time so I could get to that. I've been writing this morning and I love the flow of new ideas. And becuase I wasn't working on a regional spot for a tire company, I also helped my son find some info on the interweb about navigating his Pokemon video game. I'm learning the exclusive language of his obsession and his eyes show me how much he appreciates it.
I've been feeling bad about adding anything new to my busy life, which has thwarted some of the excitement I'm feeling regarding an idea that is bubbling. I spoke to - ugh how do I say this: I want to refer to the producer that I'm working with instead of "my producer". I hate that. My DP, my Producer, my film. Me, me, me. I think I stumbled onto it: The producer that I'm working with. He and I spoke over lunch yesterday about my new idea. He's into it. Doesn't think it's a bad idea at all. Neither the pitch nor proceeding.
Here's the rub, I'm in an excellent place right now. My storytelling skills, directing skills and experience, equipment, contacts and resources are all in place to create, create, create. That's certainly something to be grateful for. Yet I'm letting something hold me back. Fear is the most likely culprit. Let go.
Let go of free-lanceritis. Let go of financial insecurity. Let go of bourgois concerns. Let go of self-obsession.
Allow yourself to embrace all the wonderful things in your life. (I'm talking to myself here, but if it applies to you, go with it) The magnolia blossoms, the daffodils and tulips, little league games, the people eager to work with you, the freedom and the tools to make films for next to nothing, a baby learning to talk, the many films that you have to finish and learn from and share, the beautiful city you live in, a beautiful and valuable home, many books and the time to read them, a beautiful daughter that tells you she loves you so so much fifteen times a day, perspective, meditation, spiritual growth ...
That's not all, but it's enough for now.

Grazie,
Signore Direttore

Light and Shadow 004 - Hopper

Light and Shadow 003 - Velazquez

The Master Says 158

Never mistake activity for achievement.

John Wooden

The Master Says 157

The writer should never be ashamed of staring. There is nothing that does not require his attention.

Flannery O'Connor

Light and Shadow 002 - Goya