Unglued

So many things coming at me. Overwhelmed. All day long. People call me and email me with demands, questions. When not standing to that barrage, there's the face to face stuff. My three children. My boss. Employees. Students. Collaborators. Contractors. Tenants. Last but not least - Spouse.
Tuesdays are hellish. Too long of a day.

I'm working on this duet. I've mentioned it before. We played it by ear the other day. Then I got the chord structure from a friend. Last night I met with my partner. He dug right in and played. I was not feeling it. Reluctantly I suggested taking it one time through. It sucked. I was trying to let it suck, but I could not even manage a coherent lack of connection. I experienced something that I have when singing karaoke - it's hard to be really good and it's hard ot be really bad. Mostly I land in this beige-gray middle. H suggested making it my own. Actually, he said he tries to make it his own when he's playing a cover, which he's been doing a great job of with Sister Morphine. Admittedly, I was trying to channel Mick Jagger. Somewhat unlikely. We tried it again. This time I listened more closely. And I made an effort to sing the notes from the page. I let go of my intellectual idea of what A minor or D sounds like and sang a A minors and D as I heard them. Doing that helped me not only hear the notes H was playing, it made it a lot easier to come in on the note. Most importantly, it allowed me to make it my own. I had tears in my eyes by the time we were through. Not weepy ones. Just leaks of bottled up ick from trudging through one hell of a day and putting it into some work. Revealing myself as Cassavetes urges.

Michael Caine is sounding in my ears. If you're working too hard, you're not doing it right.
I'm going to try not to work so hard today.

Viva,
Signore Direttore