That's my attempt to infuse "Be careful of what you ask for" with more direct action.
I've found that I ask for things from people and the universe with the thought that they won't go for it. Or that they will, but I am asking them without considering my options. Not to say that getting what you ask for is always a terrible thing.
But if I have any personal integrity whatsoever, I do need to follow through on my part.
So it goes with my jobby-job. They gave me a considerable raise and I will be staying on full-time. I'm not apprehensive about it in any way aside from needing to be ever more mindful of my most precious commodity - time. In many ways I believe that I will be more respectful of my time with more demands on it. The extra money doesn't go that far, of course. Extra money is somewhat of an oxymoron. The raise does tie me to the performance of the business and profits me as the manager. Like most humans, I don't stay very focused if not invovlved more directly in what I'm doing. Raising the stakes as well as the salary.
My time at Gearhead has been good for me. In addition to providing support for my family, my attitude toward my studio has changed. I have been able to trust that the work is the most important. I can afford not to suffer fools. I've never been much for suffering them, but in my efforts to build a critical mass at the studio I would let some string me along with promises to pay or trade for tuition. I would grant this favor and then be resentful. No more. Policy is posted and exceptions, while still possible, are not easily granted. I need not to be an ogre about this. I can simply smile and remind them of the policy. This is easier said than done, but I'm working on taking responsibility for the terms I set forth. In terms of my approach, more demands on my time has motivated me toward greater diligence in creating my curriculum. As I've reported, I'm bringing Scene Study rehearsal technique closer to my approach as a director. I've assigned Ibsen and Tennesee Williams for the first time. I am going to lean toward such works in building a core of scenes. For one, I don't have to listen to all the hullabaloo about tracking plays down, as they are all in the library. In New York when asigned a new scene, we would walk to Drama Books or Sam French after class and that was that.
Another factor in assigning more stalwart works is to build a stock of material so as to know the material well and allow students to stumble through it as much or as little as I like. Just as they will discover new levels of awareness in their third and fourth reads, I and the students that have previously trudged through a particular scene will discover new levels of awareness on our fortieth and fiftieth reads. Such is the density of the great plays of the likes of Ibsen, Chekhov and Miller. Greater familiarity with these works is essential to actors (and directors) who hope to devote their lives to theater, and film; albeit to a lesser extent, though dramaturgy is of extreme importance to storytelling in any medium.
A year ago or so ago I was putting a crew together for London Calling. I didn't really know who to even call beyond a few names. Those that I did call were not very open to discussing an Indie rate. As a result of being at Gearhead, some of those same guys have commited to working on But A Dream for free.
Speaking of But A Dream, I need to take responsibility for some asking regarding casting. I've disregarded auditioning before. It is a colossal undertaking. I asked David to do High Desert Psalmist and then backed out of directing because that decision was one of the factors that betrayed my desperation regarding the project. As much as David might have been initially flattered and subsequently understanding that he wasn't ready to carry a film, I was still in the wrong. Once more I've cast someone prematurely. I am dreading telling this actor that I will be going with someone else.
I have the responsibility of protecting the hearts of the actors that are my friends and students. I mustn't be sentimental nor must they be thin-skinned, but by following customary casting practices I will save them and myself the unnecessary pain.
My bride is in New York with Baby June. I have Henry and Maisie. Today marks day thirteen of no rest. I am preparing to integrate a fitness regimen into my crazy schedule. I know that sacrificing an hour in the early mornings, and I do mean early, will give me more productive hours in later my days. That has been the case with the commitment I made to spiritual development and taking a seat at 7am to watch the sunrise. Setting the alarm an hour earlier some mornings to do yoga and pilates at 5:45 will likely yield the same results. Before my leg injury I could have just gone for a quick run in the mornings or during lunch. No more.
Being a responsible big boy hurts almost as much as missing a tendon.
Viva,
Signore Direttore
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