Euphoria

After the weekend of Made Crooked I experienced a heightened sense of myself, a dizzy euphoria. I felt in my body and beautiful. As it was a sensation that I had not felt without the aid of LSD or Ecstasy for a long, long time, I was very eager for those positive feelings to continue. It would be easy and tempting to beleive that the events of the weekend were responsible for this ecstasy. In fact, despite my cognitive awareness of the fallacy of that opinion it has had a grip on me.
I made some serious decisions to alter how I live my day to day life in order to allow myself to continue feeling beautiful. In fact I have forgotten what I did to prepare for the weekend. I was meditating regularly on allowing myself to experience my center and to heal emotionally - to become less congested emotionally and physically. I was eating well. I was focusing my energy on acceptance and tolerance. The idea that whatever happened at all would happen as it should was resonant. I was meeting calamity with serenity. Not only was I not experiencing the fallout of negative emotion, the positive acceptance I was practicing elated me.
In retrospect, I immediately started to engage in some old habits to hold onto this new way of experiencing the here and now. I am pleased that by being open and honest with the incredible supporting freinds in my life that clarity is possible. I don't know all the answers to the things I have set in motion. There is clearly more to be revealed.
Euphoria is a byproduct of sexual love or being in love with someone. Loving someone is more difficult to acheive. It can not be impetuous or frenzied. Still waters run deep.
Shooting a film in a weekend was like having a torrid affair with the muse.
Editing the film shot so rapturously is learning to love once the honeymoon is over.
Perhaps the waters of editing are too deep for an immature fool like me - the broiling brook of being on set steals my attention away from deeper waters.

Going Deep,
Signore Direttore