What Wedding?

Rarely do I jump out of my seat and bolt for the exit when the credits roll. I don't recall ever being the first person to leave the theater. After enduring ninety minutes of what felt more like a case study on borderline personality disorder than a dramatic film, I did indeed leap out of my seat and made it to the exit well before anyone else. It was a reaction. I didn't even have to use the bathroom.
I suppose one could say Margot at the Wedding is a very truthful rendering of cruelty and mental illness. But without much of a story, it just feels mean and crazy. Nicole Kidman gives a good turn as Margot, playing her character to full effect. An effect not unlike fingernails on a chalkboard. I suppose what Noah Baumbach is trying to do is render all of his characters with subtle flipsides to their most glaring character defects. But it just ends up being messy and psychotic. There's nowhere to go. It's an unraveling that hints at things not really ever changing that much. Baumbach lacks the chops of a Micheal Haneke or a Paul Thomas Anderson to reveal the characters' inner lives to make hinting at things being in stasis dramatic. He substitutes little details that you find in short stories in the New Yorker, i.e. a dead mouse at the bottom of the rich author's pool, for real dramatic action. Literary devices rarely translate directly into cinematic devices.
I must have liked something, right? The handheld camera work had a nice feel. Though most of the framing was frontal and boring. Okay, right, stuff I liked. Jennifer Jason Leigh. And the kid that plays Claude, Margot's pubescent son. That's about it for the likes. My biggest dislike was Jack Black. He was completely out of his element. His summertime B-movie schtick does not work in a serious film.
I really liked Baumbach's Squid and the Whale. I look forward to his next effort while I try to forget this one.

Better Luck Next Time,
Signore Direttore

Contemplate This With Me, Please:

Week in Review - oo8/2

Movies:

Where the Red Fern Grows - For the kids on family movie night. Simple and touching.

Ghostworld - I fell asleep the first two times I tried to watch this film. I'm glad I finally stayed awake. One of Steve Buscemi's best performances. I wanted it to be more magical visually than it managed to be. I love Thora Birch.

Sing-along Grease - Very fun and lively afternoon. That movie doesn't get old for me. Singing along with a theater full of people was pretty special.

Mysterious Skin - This film made me very uncomfortable. I considered turning it off. I can't say I'm entirely glad I stayed with it. I don't really like Greg Araki's films. I will say this was much better filmmaking than I've seen from him before.

Schizopolis - Not quite as straightforward as Grease, to say the least. If it wasn't Soderbergh, I would have bailed on a very unique film watching experience.

Wal-Mart - The High Cost of Low Prices - Yep, Wal-mart sucks. So does the filmmaking, especially the ending.

The 5000 Fingers of Dr. T - One of Soderbergh's ten favorite films of all time. I happened to find it in the children's section at the library yesterday afternoon. It's amazing looking. Timeless. I didn't connect to it to a top-ten extent, but I liked it and so did the kids.

The Edukators - Fuck yeah. I've been meaning to watch this for a long time. Excellent. Sexy, smart, suspenseful. Very good acting. Articulate idealism, huzzah!

Books:

Candygirl - Confessions of an unlikely stripper by Diablo Cody - Yeah, I don't know. Good for her for writing it down and launching a career. She might be skeevy, but she's no dummy. It had a distinct, I tell you all my secrets but I lie about my past, vibe to it. Glad I got it from the library rather than a bookstore, that's for sure.

The Resistance - Ten years of pop culture that shook the world - Pretty dry so far for being about a period of pop culture that I was in the middle of.

If You've Got 3 Bucks

And you've ever thought you were punk rock, you better get over to the Laurelhurst and see Control.
You have been warned!

Signore Direttore

The Master Says 275

Tell the story! Tell the story! That's what I saw in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. The films that I love are very straightforward stories, like really old-fashioned stuff. I've never been a fan of whimsical or confusing storytelling.

Paul Thomas Anderson

I Couldn't Agree More

This from Reverse Shot's Eleven Offenses of 2007:

What, exactly, is Juno about? It’s not about teenage pregnancy—unless that means the subset of pregnant (white) teenage girls whose parents respond to the big news by joking about the potency (or lack thereof) of the father-to-be, or who conveniently give their babies to (rich, white) childless couples. It’s not about abortion, to be sure, despite its “abortion scene”—a parade of stereotypes that hinges on the intervention of a pro-life Asian girl with bad grammar (of course she has bad grammar, silly . . . she’s Asian!). It’s not about motherhood, excepting its contrivance that the arrival of an infant can transform a stiff, cold, deadeningly boring yuppie into a glowing beacon of feminine warmth. And if this movie is supposed to be about love, well, you’d think it would spend more time—or any time, really—developing its ostensible love interest, beyond turning him into a walking visual gag (Track suit. Got it. Yes, I am familiar with The Royal Tenenbaums). No, Juno is really about hype: the packaging of a smug, self-satisfied, faux-edgy, faux-quirky, faux-indie studio film into the cross-over story of the year, complete with its stripper-makes-good, soon-to-be-Oscar-winning screenwriter as star. So what if it makes buckets of money? In ten years, no one will care. You can bet your hamburger phone on it, home skillet. —CW

The Master Says 274

My cinema makes it pretty self-evident that I would rather spend more time with my cinematographer and my art department than with my actors.

Peter Greenaway

In The Zone

We shot our second woodshed scene tonight. One of the actors had to be out of here by 9:30. We had 14 shots to do in three hours. No rehearsal. No fiddle- faddling with the lights or the camera. Just go. All I said when we were getting started was, We have a lot of ground to cover. I don't want things to feel rushed. So I'm going to push the tempo and I'm going to ask everyone to stay focused and keep your energy up. And so it went. I was just sitting there and I was out of breath. October and Tara were great. They really kept the energy going and had a good time. It makes my job(s) so much easier when people are having fun.
The plan was to shot the interiors in three hours, release Tara then spend an hour doing exteriors. We did the whole thing in less than three hours. It was great to be in the zone like that.
I read an article the other day about the glut of independent films and how distribution is becoming more and more impossible. How there needs to be a new model for theatrical distribution. Pretty dismal outlook. I've been thinking about it for a few days. The main conclusion I came to is that filmmakers are going to have to find a way to make compelling films inexpensively so that they can survive when only seen by a niche audience.
After the last couple of exercises I feel like I'm on the right track -- working fast with limited resources. Thinking on my feet and utilizing all that's available, making the most of the actors and locations. All the while coming up with stories that the actors are making better than I imagined. I think it's a turning point in my work. For so long it was such a challenge to get it off the page. What I was directing was never quite as good as I'd imagined it when writing or previsualizing. Now things are consistently better than I imagined. It's magic. I really feel like I'm not doing anything. It's an effortless effort.

¡viva!
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 273

If you want your children to be brilliant tell them fairy tales. If you want them to very brilliant, tell them even more fairy tales.

Albert Einstein

The Master Says 272

You are confusing two concepts: answering questions and formulating them correctly. Only the latter is required of an author.

Anton Chekhov

Embracing Editing - Into Action

Today was the day. I had no reason or excuse at the ready not to cut the stuff we shot on Saturday. My idea is to cut some of these exercises to get back in the groove rather than add the pressure of my hopes for the success of other projects to the already daunting practice of editing. The weird thing is that when I started filmmaking, editing was one of the things I most readily embraced. I don't know why I I disconnected from it.
I do know that once I get all the footage in, I'm kind of eager to get cutting without really getting cozy with the footage. In short, I want to get ahead of myself. That usually typifies naivete or insecurity. I wish I could claim naivete, but I'm going to have to cop to the latter. Then there's laziness. It's a lot of effort to expend for nothing in return. No direct material compensation that is.
I fought off some minor anxiety and kept at it. It's especially tough to track improvisational footage. Eventually it started to take shape, though not until I went upstairs and washed some dishes. Maira Kalman's antidote for confusion.
For those of you that aren't regular readers of Finding Fellini, I theorized recently that editing could be another antidote for confusion. I wouldn't say that's happened right out of the gate. Hence the actual dishwashing break. Lo and behold, it was immediately after washing dishes that I was able to begin laying down an assembly. It was sunny today so I said just start the assembly and work at it for an hour and then go for a walk. Next thing you know two hours had passed.
There were several points that really made me laugh watching the footage. Both actresses are really there for each other. Christy did a wonderful job of externalizing her inner life, both with making her native language foreign and staying true to her objective. October listens so well as if what she's hearing is truly for the first time. We didn't slate and often I can't tell what the order of the takes was based on her performance. She externalizes the internal shift of making a life-changing decision well. I'm not entirely sure I was able to preserve it in the edit. Which might be a clue to go back and make that a priority if I did indeed sacrifice emotion for rhythm and, or continuity. Fresh eyes, both mine and someone else's will help.
In the end I found that covering improv is difficult, especially in a two-hander that you can't do much overlapping dialogue to motivate cuts. There isn't enough movement in the table scene to make all of the cuts as seemless as I'd like. I can't think of anything at present to remedy the problem in the future so I've created a wonderful example to show people and get some imput on how to improve my shot selection. What I did was frame a nice over the shoulder composition and then matched it when we turned around. It gives me no eye trace or graphic match when cutting back and forth.
I will try to post all or at least some of the Happy New Year exercise on the blog in the next few days.

A River Dertchee,
Signore Direttore

The Master Says 271

Well, for under $10,000 you can buy everything you need (to make movies). So now we have to undo the brainwashing of the past fifty years about what a movie can be: that it must be commercial, it must go down easy, it must be structured so that it appeals to the widest possible audience. Even people that read sophisticated books expect that when they go and see a movie it won't involve any thinking. They're willing to give more to a work of literature. A movie is supposed to be something light that you go to, and you have a good time, and you don't think too much, and you laugh, or you get scared, or you're in awe of the violence, and you go home, and you forget it. And that has to be broken.

Francis Ford Coppola

Good Morning

Yesterday was a big day. It started with speaking to a large group of about eighty people, about a third of whom in turn spoke about me. They had very kind things to say. I've known some of them for ten years or more and they mentioned things that I had said to them many years ago and that had remained poignant to them. It was very touching. I had to dry my eyes several times.
I came home from that to find Christy and October in my dining room ready to work on our first on-camera scene of the year. We jumped into that and it was great fun. Christy played a Chechen woman. Her accent seemed very good to me and she really had fun with her broken English. We ruined quite a few takes with our laughter. I had written a brief outline of a scene based on an article in the NY Times. There was a line in the article that really spoke to me. I wrote it down and by the end of the week a scene grew around it. I like that it can be that simple. That if we pay attention to what grabs us, often something will grow out of it.
I've heard it described as seeing the blinks - where most people go round not seeing much in the first place coupled with a tendency to blink when nothing but ordinary life is happening. Artists see what happens in those blinks and render it for the rest of society.
Anyway it was a fun and challenging morning. It's difficult to improvise a scene and then turn around and cover it from the other side. We didn't have a scripty or time to watch playback. We relied on our memories and we'll soon see how good they are. Both actresses did good work and the vibe in the room was awesome. One of the things I'm trying to work on is developing my instincts. I turn on the camera and say, Ok. They start talking to each other. I watch until I'm not interested and say, Ok or Cut. I give them some quick notes and we go again. It almost seems too simple. Like, shouldn't I be doing more? I guess I've been doing this for a long time and the ease is the fruit of my past labors. I've never really stuck with something long enough to experience this sort of, dare I say, mastery. When I say mastery, I don't mean the all-time great filmmakers as much as say a master carpenter -- someone that does a specialized job well. I think I'll stick with skilled journeyman for now.
After being praised and then working for a brisk three hours behind the camera, I was knackered. A nap just made me feel jelly-brained. We went to a cocktail party and to a late supper. No movie.
I'm really tired of Fox Tower and Regal Cinemas. By the time prints get to Portland they're pretty tired anyway so it's kind of a misnomer to call Regal first-run theaters. The bulbs in the projectors at Laurelhurst and McMenamin's are pretty weak but they're cozier and they don't ask you a bunch of promotional questions when you buy tickets or popcorn. They had this sign at the Fox Tower concession counter that urged customers to see a manager if the employees didn't offer a certain promotion. I told them that I was going to steal the sign and throw it in the trash. Their eyes got smiley but they didn't dare say a word. I was like, Okay guys look the other way. They did and I took the sign and trashed it. It hasn't returned. Lately there's been a truly awful video of Three Doors Down singing some rock ballad about the National Guard during the First Look. It's painful. I remember back in the day going to see Patti Ricks at the Fifth Avenue up by PSU. There was a Pontiac commercial played before the previews and everybody booed and hissed. Twenty years later we sit and take it. If I'm by myself I just put my headphones on and listen to music. But even then I feel a little polluted. So it's kind of a resolution for me to avoid Regal Cinemas from now on. If I go I want it to be a sneaky double-feature or some other subversive act. I always try to time it so I ask a question when they're about to ask me if I have a Regal card. It's often successful and I feel like a Jedi for a brief moment.
I checked into the Regal Card thing. For a guy that goes to the movies as much as I do, I would get a free movie every six months or so. I don't want another piece of plastic in my wallet and some corporation tracking my movie viewing and concession habits in exchange for $18/year.
At the Laurelhurst theater, they run local ads before the films. They're stills that are very lo-fi in design. They even throw up some random photographs and paintings. Last time I was there they were playing Elliot Smith very quietly over the sound system. And it's three bucks and walking distance from my house. Cinemagic, Clinton Street and The Bagdad are cheap and walkable as well. So long Regal!
We all got tickets to Sing-along Grease at Cinema 21 in our stockings. We're off to do that in a couple of hours. Should be fun fun fun.

A big pizza pie,
signore direttore

The Master Says 270

Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go.

E. L. Doctorow

Week in Review - oo8/1

Movies viewed this last week:

Lars and the Real Girl - Yes. Turned all of my expectations but one upside down. The exception going in was that I absolutely knew Ryan Gosling was going to be good. He was better than good. Otherwise I thought it was going to be creepy and prurient. Instead it was about getting past the surface of things, especially things creepy and prurient, to find hope, empathy and community. Wonderful film.

Capturing the Friedman's - Much more interesting than the first time I saw it. Still don't like the b-roll. I'd see it again.

Charlie Wilson's War - see yesterday's post.

Yi Yi - Very good film. Long. Too long really. I think the story could have been told in the same patient way and been much shorter. Great story, it captured the beauty of ordinary human needs. The acting was amazing. At one point I was like, Oh, these people in Taiwan feel like I've felt. Emotion at a certain depth transcends culture and they achieved those depths consistently and expertly. The efforts toward naturalistic cinematography became mannered after a while. Edward Yang won some very prestigious awards for this 1999 directorial debut - National Board of Review's Best Film of '99, something at Cannes. Yet he hasn't made another film. Makes me curious.

Pasolini's Oedipus Rex - Strangely beautiful. At once clumsy and elegant. The thing about Pasolini is that it really goes beyond opinion. Like and dislike don't really matter. It's like saying you like or dislike the Mona Lisa. It's art. It informs you and makes an impression on you. It doesn't matter if you like it or not. I'm glad I saw it and I'll watch it again when something led me back to it.

Away From Her - I really wanted to like this film. I adore Sarah Polley and I wanted her to succeed in her move to directing. And she may well do so. However, her film didn't do it for me. It does get better as it goes along if you can stay with it, though I'm not sure I did for any other reason than I did so want to like it. It looks boring - like TV from the 70s - frontal and conventional. It deals with Alzheimer's, which is interesting, and the ever beautiful Julie Christie does a fine job portraying a victim of the disease. Based on a short story by the Canadian author Alice Munro. Polley is also Canadian. And as much as Canada doesn't seem to have a very distinctive culture in my arrogant opinion, this film does seem very Canadian. For whatever that's worth.

Books read in the last week:

The Power of Play by David Elkind - Not nearly as good as his classic, The Hurried Child. A reiteration of the problems and little talk of the solutions.

The Principles of Uncertainty by Maira Kalman - Wonderful. It's an illustrated journal filled with poignant observations of the ordinary. It made me want to paint the hallway, do the dishes and pay attention to the backs of people's heads. My daughter was looking over my shoulder when I brought it home from the library and I just started reading it aloud to her. She stayed with it until I was about halfway into the book. I read the rest to myself all in one sitting. Which I relate in hopes of saying more about its charisma than my stamina.

Steven Soderbergh Interviews - Like all of the books in the Conversations with Filmmakers series put out by The University of Mississippi Press there's quite a bit of repetition in the interviews. While it can be irritating, the nuances that emerge are worth it. Much of the book deals with the early years of his career and the rest stops after Traffic and Erin Brockovich. I read it backwards, thinking I didn't want to revisit the whole sex, lies ... hooha. If I could only read one interview it would be Emotion, Truth and Solitude by Michael Sragow in Salon. But it's all good stuff. My admiration for him really grows.

Horseman, Pass By by Larry McMurtry - I can't believe I hadn't read this book before now. I loved it and I don't romanticize that part of the country or that era anywhere near as much as I did in my past. Original Glory is all about nostalgia for that time and place. McMurty gets it a little better than I do. It's quite different than Hud, the movie based on the novel. Each stands on its own. I look forward to seeing the film again.

Adaptions - From Short Story to Big Screen by Stephanie Harrison - This is an amazing collection of thirty-five short stories that have been adapted into films. I love reading and rereading the stories. And I really get a lot out of the introduction to each section that connects the stories to the films and the authors to the directors. It's a fresh perspective on some of the greats.

The Master Says 269

The idea that you can make a movie about an ordinary person is almost gone.

Steven Soderbergh

Charlie Wilson's Whitewash

Oh, Mike Nichols, where have you gone? Let's just say that after taking the long way round to walk along the river esplanade to get from our house to Lloyd Cinemas on New Year's Day, a large popcorn seemed to be in order.
The popcorn at the movies has this weird palm oil aftertaste even without the butter flavoring -- it's a guilty pleasure nonetheless. As is Charlie Wilson's War. The political or historical aspects of the film are about as accurate as Hairspray. A pleasant, art-directed general telling of some events in the recent past. Let's just enjoy the show.
It is impossible not to be charmed by Tom Hanks in this film. He's truly wonderful. Alas he's Forrest Gump, so he's only going to get so sebaceous, but a little slimier might have worked to his and the film's favor. The real Charlie Wilson was guilty of a DUI hit-and-run. Throwing that in might have added a bit of gravitas to his early morning drinking treated with a wink and a nudge in the film. The scenes with Hanks and Phillip Seymour Hoffman are terrific, especially the high farce where Hoffman dances in and out of Hanks' office while the congressman tries to juggle a personal crisis with a global one. Hoffman has timing like nobody of the past thirty years.
Just as the door opening and closing scene is a joy it's also the thing that keeps this a movie and prevents it from being a film. Nichols and Sorkin consistently choose the facile over the incisive. Which is exactly where Julia Roberts dwells in the narrative. Talk about a missed opportunity. She shows a glimmer in her first scene of the driving force she could be, but that's it. I know many of you are saying, Yeah but she's Julia Roberts, come on! I give her more credit than that. So does Soderbergh. Too bad Nichols doesn't.
The other minor tragedy of this film is that Ned Beatty is treated like a buffoon. Another thing that underscores just how wrong this movie goes once you get beyond its veneer. In the end it almost becomes some sort of mash-up of Top Gun, Springtime for Hitler and a Unicef commercial.

Ciao,
Signore Direttore

Analogous Propostion

The great Maira Kalman asserts that, "Washing dishes is the antidote to confusion. I know that for a fact." I wonder if editing could also be an antidote to confusion. A task that one does to clean up after the meal. One could say there isn't much art to washing dishes. Certainly it might even be an affront to the art of editing to suggest such an analogy. Perhaps it's wrong-headed to even consider editing a task at all.
However I've slated a few resolutions for the coming year. One is to embrace editing. Which really means finish some god damn films. But I want to be gentle with myself and take some baby steps to overcome my deep fear about finishing things. I don't want to conflate the processes of post-production and my neuroses, so I'm aiming to 'embrace editing'.
We don't have a dishwasher in our home. We have three kids and we're a five small meals type a day of family. There's a lot of dishwashing that goes on around here. I have to say that when I'm standing there at the sink, my hands soapy, things are all right in the world. In fact the more I do it, it's not just something to get through. I start by saying to myself, I'm just going to do a few. Next thing you know I'm drying the ones on the rack, putting them away and going for another round. I'll often wipe down the counters and scrub the stove when I'm finished. If I happen to look at the time, it isn't unusual for the better part of an hour to have passed. There's something to be said for being unaware of time. It's what I've always loved about writing.
For me the writing of the films is the cooking, the shooting the meal. And for now the editing is going to be the cleaning up. In my restaurant working days I always liked the dishwashers more than the chefs. Besides, we all need clean plates. And we all need an antidote for confusion.
If I'm wrong, I'm already covered by my first resolution: to make loads of mistakes.

¡viva!
Signore Direttore

1988. One Night.

Spot on silk. Blot with finger. Rub with thumb. Press tightly against lapel. Slump against low wall surrounding dance floor. Drinks line up on wall. Wait for people dancing. Spot. Remove tie. Roll it up. Put in pocket. Turn. Reach for drink. Rocks glass. Empty. Look around. Take fruity drink. Down it. Take another drink. Knock it back. Stand tall.
Two women. From dance floor. Laugh. Glisten. Reach for drinks. Empty glasses. Look around. Pick point across the room. Walk. Two women follow. Look for M. At bar. Hold on. Rub neck. M. at bar. Walk straight . Bar. Stop next to M. M. kisses cheek. Smile. Money clip. Hundreds. Bartender listens. “Makers neat. Double.” Two women step up. “And a fuzzy navel. Stole our drinks. Vodka soda.” M. turns to look. Shrug. Smile. Pay with c-note for three drinks. Turn to women. Raise glass. Grin. Gulp. Empty glass on change. Walk away. Two women giggle. Sip drinks. Behind M. Tall. Curvy. Thick curly hair. Dark. Pull hair off neck. Kiss. Whisper. “Home.” M. turns. “Having fun.” Long kiss. Pull away. Nod. Hold hands. Smile. Peel note from money clip. “At home.” “At home.”

Sidewalk. Doormen. Nod. Cold air. Stop. Turn to look in window. M. laughing. Chatting. Breathe deep. Take step. Button jacket. Double-breasted. Rub neck. Pick a point. Walk. Hands in trouser pockets. Keys. Car door. Red. German. Two seats. Soft top. Knees buckle. Stand tall. Shiver. Key hovers over lock. Look up. Down the block. Fuzzy Navel and Vodka Soda arm in arm. Go into neon. Rub neck. Keys in pocket. Rub face. Knot tie. Car window reflection. Tuck tie into jacket. Smooth hair. Shrug shoulders. Open eyes wide. Yawn. Pucker. Walk.
Dragon on back. Tail over hip. Down leg. Dollar bills. High heels. Pole. Step up. Drop bill between fuzzy navel and vodka soda on bar. “Lager.” Switch to beer. Two women giggle. Glasses and bottle touch. Giggle. Drink. Turn. Watch dragon. Fuzzy Navel picks up five from change on bar. Waves it. Dragon Lady. Eyes on Deep Pockets. Grab ten with tits. Vodka Soda. A ten. From bar change. Dragon Lady arches back. Five disappears. Slide down to floor. Hello Dragon Lady. Vodka Soda slides ten up thigh. Eyes on Deep Pockets. Benjamin. Hold it out. Look away. Take it. Dance away. Fuzzy navel and Vodka Soda laugh. Drink. Touch Deep Pockets. Laugh. Flirt.
Vodka Soda gone. Ladies. Another round. Kiss Fuzzy Navel. Pull away. Giggle. Deeper. Sloppy. Giggle. Vodka Soda returns. “What’s so funny?” Another round. Cheers. Clink. Laugh. Drink. Smoke. Kiss Fuzzy Navel. No tongue. Laugh. Turn. Vodka Soda. Smile. Smooth eyebrows. Grin. Vodka Soda. Fuzzy Navel. Ladies. Kiss. Sloppy. Stand. Into bar stool. Vodka Soda. Dance between trouser legs. Turn. Lap dance. Dragon Lady in corner. Wears dress. Sips drink. Lights cigarette. Smiles. Lift Vodka Soda hair. Bite neck. Watch Dragon Lady. Fuzzy Navel. Dance. Grab hand. Kiss cheek. Muss hair. Bye.
Dragon Lady. “Maker’s neat.” Smile. Bartender. “Two Makers' neat.” Another hundred. Raise glasses. Nod. Drink. “Thank you.” Coat. Faux fur. Leopard. Cigarettes. Pocketbook. “Have a good night.” Gone.
Pick up change. Sidewalk. Cold air. Look around. Dragon Lady. Smile. Turns onto Fulton. Vintage car. Buick. Run to car. Top down. Zero to forty. Fulton. Wind in hair. Tie over shoulder. Buick ahead. Downshift. Next to her. Eyes front. Smile. Give it gas. Likewise. Cat and mouse. Buick turns right. Into Quickmart. Double back. Inside. Flourescent. Cigarettes. Outside. Next to Buick. Take off tie. Smile. Dragon Lady click click click. Heels. Parking lot. Into Buick. Start engine. Shake head. No smile. Two fingers to lips. Puff. Nods. Open pack. Out of red car. Buick window down. Cigarette. Lean for light. Fire. Reverse.

Open road. Zero to sixty. Sixty to eighty. Downshift. Sub-division. Split-levels. Blue. Green. Brown. Gray. Yellow. Ticky-tacks. Slow. Pass brown split-level. Park gray ticky-tack. Engine off. Top up. Tie back on. Smooth hair. Walk back to brown. Front door. Locked. Look around. Go around back. Locked. Climb up deck. Listen. Look sliding glass door. Dark. Open. Quiet. Slide. Inside. Kitchen. Tip toe. Fridge. Orange juice. From carton. Wash face and hands. Dry on towel. Bring towel to hall. Open door. Power Rangers. Little brother. Next door. Bathroom. Across hall. Slip in. Tip toe to bed. Sit. Wipe hands. Brush hair aside. Lean. “A.” Nothing. “A.” Louder. Eyes open. Scared. “Shhh.” Kick off shoes. Remove jacket. Get under covers. “No.” “Shhh.” Kiss. Pull away. Kiss. “No.” Light in the hall. Door open. A crack. “A.?” “It’s okay, mom. Bad dream.” Hall light off. Giggle. “Have to go. Have school tomorrow.” Kiss again. Pull away. “Smell like bar.” Undo belt. “No.” Lift hips. Drop trousers. “No.” Lean to kiss. Push back. Take hand. “No.” Pull away. Pull hand under covers. “Then leave?” Nod. “Promise?” Nod. Lay down. Closer. Reach under. Move hand. Covers pull tight. Press mouth to mouth. Tongues. Collapse. Kitchen towel. “Go.”
Through garage. Tennis racket. “Mom’s.” Hold tight. “Bring it back.” Nod. Grab can of balls. Kiss. Good night. Lock door. Lights out. Back to city. Push button. Garage gate open. Garage gate close. Find spot. Upstairs. Key in door. Open. Stop. Chain on door. Light on. M. closes door. Removes chain. Opens door. “Where?” “Tennis.” Racket. Balls. “Where?” “Tennis.” Step out of way. "Tennis?" Nod. Step inside. Close door. Light out.

2oo8 Resolutions

+ Make lots of mistakes

+ Direct actors on-camera once weekly

+ Shoot and edit a five-minute abstract short monthly

+ Embrace editing

+ Acknowledge, accept and embrace fear and resistance directly

+ Read fiction

+ Explore classical music

+ Daily Exercise - Not if, but what

+ Daily Meditation

+ Look at more paintings

+ Practice seeing the invisible

+ Listen actively - Don't interrupt or talk over people

+ Get out and explore

+ Monthly budgets

+ Don't expect pure states