Way back at the New Year I made some resolutions. I thought I might check in on them.
+ Make lots of mistakes
Check. Especially in relationships. Nothing catastrophic, but kindness, tolerance, patience and love require mucho practice for me.
+ Write, Shoot and Edit 1 short film each month
Check. January through April yielded four shorts. May to July we made a feature. Nothing so far this month. Camera has been out on rental. And I've been trying to concentrate on finishing some projects before starting any new ones. However, I think a short short of an interesting landscape or some such simple thing might be in order. Not everything has to be grand and spectacular.
+ Acknowledge, accept and embrace fear and resistance directly
Check on the acknowledgment bit. Acceptance and embrace are slower to come. I've discovered I need more time and I'm learning how to take it without calling myself lazy. Well, I'm still calling myself lazy, I'm just not shouting it. Baby steps.
+ Read more fiction
Check on reading more non-film related stuff, but much of my reading remains non-fiction. I'm open to suggestions of contemporary literary fiction.
+ Daily Exercise - Not if, but what
This has taken some real effort. As of the past seven weeks I've come around to almost daily exercise. I expected more dramatic results physically, which just goes to show that it's a long process and there are no quick fixes. The mental, emotional and spiritual results have been profound.
+ Daily Meditation
I'm probably managing to meditate twice a week on average. The hikes, bike rides and walks are definitely supplemental. It's yet another thing that I avoid because I forget it's the cumulative effect rather than the immediate results.
+ Look at more paintings
Check. Mostly in books so far. I am going to the Rembrant/Rijksmuseum show at the Portland Art Museum soon.
I think I am listening better. Listen really means staying in the moment. And overall I'm feeling more capable of that. I have not perfected it and likely won't any time soon. However, like many other things on this list, I'm learning to do things without the expectation that I should do them perfectly. Perfectionism is a lie that helps us resist following our bliss.
Well, it seems I have more work to do. Mostly involving showing up. I think it comes down to simple self-worth -- if you value yourself, you show up. If you loathe yourself, you find ways not to. If you loathe yourself and show up anyway, maybe you won't loathe yourself as much after awhile. I'm hoping so.