I posted the cut I made of partners on YouTube over the weekend, but it didn't upload correctly. It took a lot of time and fuss. I uploaded the clip on the blog just fine. So rather than send out a mass email linking to it on YouTube, I linked instead to my blog. A lot of folks checked in and said some kind words, about partners and the blog itself. I appreciate it, yet I haven't been too keen to write much since for fear that I'll be branded a pedantic fool.
One of the friends that I've corresponded with since then is a very talented, accomplished and disciplined artist. We spoke briefly about the most important thing being to get out of the way of the work. I don't want to be reliant on the opinions of others, yet I need to make sure the story I'm trying to tell is coming across. Not to everyone in my case, as I'm not looking to create mass entertainment. As my friend shared, "Some judge too harshly and do too little themselves, others are too complimentary and tend to make mush."
I do notice that my conversations after sharing something I've done, whether it's successful or not, take on more humility and grace. I feel like I'm participating in a dialogue with another artist rather than operating from a place of arrogant insecurity. Whether I'm responding to putting myself out there in the "right" way also doesn't matter that much. I just need to experience it. I am not in a position at the moment to be sure of my motives or anything of the sort. I just have to be where I'm at with putting my work out there as well as my process, which are likely one in the same.
So this is where I'm at. Looks like the office is going to work out. And class as well. There's been a good response. I like all six of the people that have signed up. I don't think I'm going to take on any more until after the first month. Well, I probably won't turn somebody interesting away, but I'm not going to do any soliciting. And since I'm teaching a class again rather than reopening the studio, I can say no to anybody that I don't feel good about working with.
I've done a little editing on partners. I need to do the sound and the color and then that's done. I spent the day Sunday with one of the principals in London Calling. He was in town and we did some ADR. It went as well as can be expected considering he played the part almost three years ago and I wasn't very prepared for him as he came to town last minute. But we did our best and it's definitely something to work with. For all my heel dragging in getting it finished, he was surprised to see that it's actually pretty good. Like most strong personality traits, perfectionism is a double-edged sword. It's pretty good as is, but I think I can make it better. And I owe it to the film to try. Who cares how long it takes? I'm working on it, however slowly.
I shot a little exercise with Oct. on Monday. Just some one on one work. Operating the camera makes it difficult for me to watch performance very closely. I think it's a good exercise once in awhile. Let's me experience the camera more directly if not what it sees. I look at light and movement in a different way. It also makes me appreciate how important having someone else worry about all that stuff is. I had someone lined up to operate the camera, but I decided it would be better to build on my relationship with the actor and allow her to experience a more profound sense of intimacy with camera and director. It develops my trust as well. I thought we got what we needed for the scene. Now when I look at it I'll find out if that's true. I'm doing a lot of that lately. It's scary. It feels as if I'm disconnecting from the work somehow, like I'm suddenly tossing caution to the wind and I'll soon be subject to the law of diminishing returns. But if I really look at it and learn to look at it ever more closely and then put it out to friends and colleagues, I'm sure to discover that I need to go deeper or that my senses are in fact pretty sharp. Or somewhere in between. It's getting out of the way of the work. Letting the work speak for itself. Fucking terrifying. Yet the more I show up in this way, the more the bogeyman is exposed as being but a fantasy.
Something else occurs to me about working this fast. I haven't prepared enough to know what it is that I'm looking for. All that I've mused on above remains valid, however I think it wise to be aware of this factor. One thing I could do is subject the scenes to my own preparation routine, if only in a condensed version. I think I'm doing that on a subconscious level as a matter of experience, but I'm not entirely sure. That's an easy one to convince oneself of out of pride.
I'm looking forward to having an office away from home again. Somehow I think it might be a shorter journey to 10th and Ankeny than it's been down the back stairs. I'm, as ever, looking forward to shooting more scenes. I'm even beginning to look forward to editing.
One of my friends in NY asked if the woodshed I refer to at the end of partners is "where I keep my dogma tied up." I responded, "Yeah, while my dogma is tied up out back I let my dogme run wild." To which he replied, "Truly, you are the king of indepedantic cinema." Gotta love people that know how to take the piss out of their friends.
¡viva!
Signore Direttore
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