Sunday, December 12, 2010

Time Marches On

The projects I've yet to finish were filmed longer and longer ago.  Honestly the only progress I've made of late is to not fret about it too much.  I don't like that they're unfinished.  Most involved have moved on.  As have I in many respects.  It feels pretty crappy to have such big projects that so many invested so much time, energy and good feelings into go neglected.
I've picked up the ball and tried to move toward the goal line only to fumble it so many times over the past few years.  I'm lacking the heart to pick it up again.  I try once in a while, but something invariably comes up.  I'm weary of bugging people.  Unanswered phone calls.  Canceled meetings.  I'm not really blaming anybody.  I understand it's the nature of such a project.  I enjoyed some of the process and learned some things along the way.  One of which is that I don't want to go through something like that again.
Time may well be marching on, but the nagging feeling I have about Dangerous Writing in particular is not likely to go away until I manage to see it through.  Even though it seems there's no joy left in it for me, I am committed which is why I'm putting it out there again.
But why is it that I would rather go the dentist than do the remaining work on this worthy little film?  Can it be that when it's finished it can be judged?  Or that it may be a final reminder that I failed as a filmmaker?  I'm both terrified and bored by such questions.  Moving on is what I would like to continue to do.  Unfortunately, there's only two ways to do it - finish the films or don't finish the films.  I don't seem to truly want to do the work to accomplish the former and I can't bring myself to accept the latter.

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