The Density of Skin

To be an artist one must be willing to bring oneself to the work without taking criticism personally. This is especially improbable for the artist who is in process of attaining the skills necessary to work fluently.
In order to attain this proficiency, personalities and egos must be ignored as much as is possible. Though it has been my experience that my ego provides some fireworks that are hard to resist and ultimately inform my experience, however selfishly and inefficiently.
Culturally, we resist the concept of process and patient diligence. We are disposable and instant. We reinvent ourselves after the sligthest hint of failure. Failure is unacceptable. A dirty word. Like amateur. Beginner. Novice.
Wouldn't want to be called any of those ugly words.
It seems everybody has been making movies since they were small children. I haven't been. I shot a few reels of Super-8, but that wasn't especially challenging. Pop the cartridge in the camera. Aim it and pull the trigger. Send the cartridges to the lab and project them. Genius. "Ahem. Chawau. Harumph. Ah've beeeen making FFFilmszs since Ah was a young child."
Whatever. I've been around this stuff for a long time. I've been interested in movies for longer. But I haven't really been getting my hands dirty for long at all. A few years of directing. It's but a beginning.
Nobody owes me a thing.
Whatever I get out of this deal I will have to earn.
I love doing it as long as I don't expect things of myself that I am not yet capable of accomplishing. This stuff is no joke. You can't fake it. You can't think your way through it or figure it out as you go along. You have to deliver or suffer the consequences of making horrible films that won't cut together or sound and look like hell if they do.
My first film won a prize and got into several festivals. I've made money directing stuff since then, but I've yet to make another award-winning film. My first screenplay has recieved a lot of attention and even made me a little money, but it sits unmade as of yet.
I don't feel anxiety about these things. Lately I've been worried that I don't have the burning fight in me. I don't spend a lot of time on that particular concern. i just keep showing up and letting go of the results.
I'm happier and my work is better.
I've got nothing to prove.
I'm not going anywhere.
And that's just fine with me.

Viva,
Signore Direttore