For so long now the idea of ever finishing some of my projects seemed far off in the distant future. Moving forward has been a slow trudge. It seemed at every turn there was something in the way of making forward progress. It would take so much effort to get down to doing the work and then it would disappoint me, making getting on with it all the more difficult. Of late there seems to be movement of the very satisfying variety.
We spent the day making fine cuts on But A Dream. The opening beat seemed impossible. We didn't shoot very much coverage. Then sitting in front of it something happened. Walter Murch talks about listening to the film. That it will tell you what it needs. There's this bit where Joey cries. It seemed out of the blue. I kicked myself. I berated my crappy directing. What was I thinking? I've been having those deprecating thoughts for almost two years. Today I stopped letting those thoughts in and just sat very open in front of the film. I didn't worry about solving the problems. I just listened to that first beat. The answers came relatively easily and they're all pretty damn simple.
I can't tell you how good it feels to see it come together. I really felt that I had a strong directorial vision as I prepped that film. The experience of shooting it was painful with relation to dealing with some of the crew. That coupled with the difficulty of finishing it made me doubt myself over the past two years. I wondered if I wasn't just a big fat phony. I might be, but But A Dream won't be the film that proves it.
Ciao,
Signore Direttore
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