I'm feeling really good about the way 2007 is starting off. Moving on from the acting studio has freed up a lot more energy than I imagined. I'm collaborating with a couple of awesome, very accomplished people on a big project. I'll talk more about that when I feel it's appropriate. I'm excited about it, but I'm doing a lot of other things in the meantime instead of waiting for that to happen as I've done in the past.
Last year, I made friends with a very talented actor that moved here from LA. Recently we started hanging out again. He's such a great guy. And very funny. He's a good writer and has some very compelling stuff for which he's been looking for someone to collaborate. We've been having breakfast together a lot this week, just having laughs and getting to know each other. He addressed it more directly at breakfast yesterday. My first fear in these situations is that someone wants me to produce something for them. I'm a producer certainly, but more by default than ambition. I produce films in order to get my films made. Whenever I've worked as a producer on someone else's film, I've been frustrated to at least some degree.
Same with editing and art directing. And acting, though not as much if I'm having fun with the role. Anyway, at the end of last year I was trying to focus my attention solely on writing. I was thinking of giving directing up for awhile. I told a few people including the agency packaging OG. (Which, by the way, isn't helping it move forward any faster) Then I produced a short for someone. I was on set helping an inexperienced young aspirant and I was frustrated once again. I thought, why am I going to give up on directing? I've got the skills and the gear and the contacts and the ideas to produce a quality short in a weekend for next to nothing; why not do it for myself a few more times? Most of all, I have the passion for it. I love it and I can't deny it. Writing is cool. I'm pretty good at it. Maybe even better than I am at directing. But it's a means to an ends for me. I only write the stories so I can make them. Which brings me back to yesterday.
So he brings up the possibility of working together and I prepare for him to tell me he wants to direct. I did a pretty good job of putting that out of my mind as I listened to his pitch. It's always nice to listen to a good idea. There were elements of Beautiful Sunshine of a Spotless Mind. So we chat about that for a minute. Then he throws out another pitch for a different script. Also very good, sort of High Fidelity meets Permanent Midnight. The ideas start flying in my head. I hear a lot of directors say that they can't imagine directing something they didn't write. I don't feel that way at all. I like the tradition of the theater where writers rarely direct.
All this was very welcome and inspiring. I had yet to ask the question though. The moment finally came, What role do you want to play in realizing these projects? I just want to act, dude!, he said. That's all I want to do, he continued, I just come up with these ideas and write to keep from going insane waiting for my next gig.
I didn't walk away giddy, no not at all. I was perfectly calm because it just felt right. I don't have expectations and I'm comfortable with what we're both bringing to the table. Like the King said, Ambition is a dream with a V8. So many of my past collaborations have been a lot of talk about horsepower, but we've been running on six cylinders and a weak chassis. To make it worse, I've often been firing five of those cylinders. On projects where I am better matched such as OG, the hot rod is still idling in the garage. When she finally gets out, she's going to lay some rubber, but that day hasn't come.
Funny that I was hoping to run into S to ask him to act in one of my monthly shorts. I guess it's true that if we only got what we asked for, we'd be selling ourselves short.
I've also made another acquaintance with a potential collaborator. I went out on a limb and introduced myself to her and she responded very positively. She's a beautiful woman with a lot of charisma. I have an idea for a little texture piece we could make together the next time I go to LA.
In the past when the universe has opened up to me, I've often closed it down trying to keep it to myself. Or by asking even more of it than has been offered.
A river dertch,
Signore Direttore
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